is having a boyfriend or girlfriend really important? is having someone you like liking you back is really important? is it a must for the person you fancy to reciprocate your feelings?
i don't know
i honestly don't know.
all of the guys i've had crush on didn't even know i exist. if they do, i don't think they realized that i'm a girl. or maybe they just think that i'm just a "gedik" girl (which is worst).
being an expert on unrequited love (well, not really), i found out it's not such a big deal that your love wasn't returned. it's not like if you have an unrequited love you won't have money to live. or there'll be people wanting to assassinate you. or the world will suddenly crumble to pieces and we're facing Armageddon. yeah, you'll get sad. and the world will also becomes bleak and unworthy to live in. but who's to blame when all starting to dwindle around you? when you start to lose your touch to reality? or when your world is turning upside down? the person who doesn't return your love? the one they prefer? or your own self?
they did nothing to you except saying no. and maybe it's you that start to read too much about their attention towards you. putting too much hope into it, and when it starts to crumble, you blame the person for leading you on and break your heart into pieces. and you ponder and ponder upon it, slandering the one that you once love. is your love that shallow? is it just for show?
i've been through losses. i've been dumped by the guy i truly like once. most of the time my crushes had their eyes set on girls that i can never be. and there's even the time when i thought everything is going smoothly, i found out that the guy already had a girlfriend. of course i've been through a lot of heartbreaks. i've had happy episodes in my pathetic love story, but that's only 3 to 4 episodes. in the 365 chapters of woeful love drama, that's just brief moments. very brief moments. my love story is a nightmare itself, i don't even know if anyone finds me attractive. i just assume that i'm not.
however, that doesn't give me the license to slander the male populations. stereotyping them into a bunch of idiotic people who only prefer pretty, shallow girls over plain but personalised girls. by doing it, not only i condemned the opposite sex, i also cursed my own. what good can i get from that? nothing. it only show how stupid and weak i am. or maybe how much of an asshole i am. or maybe just to show how superficial my love is, easily abandoned upon facing an obstacle.
i tried my very best, to keep on good terms with all my ex-crushes. even when they broke my heart. because, it's not their fault that i've fallen for them. they don't even ask for it. and they don't intentionally mean to break my fragile cardiac. maybe it's not time for me yet, and maybe i'm not ready, and they sensed it. so i move on. from crush to crush, heartbreak to heartbreak, keeping track of the previous ones, repeating the same mistakes again and again. but always, always i try to say good things and have good intentions for them.
that's why i don't accept slandering the opposite sex. it's just lame. i truly belief that you make your own happiness. getting the person you like doesn't even guarantee your happiness if you cannot be grateful of what you had. you, yourself have to make you happy.
i may not have luck with guys whatsoever, but i'm surrounded by lots of girls whom i called friends. and they truly the best that i had, they cheered me up when i'm down, and go crazy together when i'm happy. and i won't trade them for anyone in the world. ever. so i'm happy, even with a 365 episodes of sad love story...