Aug 27, 2009


I went to see you today
Just to confirmed what I felt yesterday
And the days before

I sensed changes in you
But I refused to believe my eyes
Deluding myself with petty illusions

I’m afraid to look at you directly
Because I don’t want to know
What exactly you’re thinking

What signs you gave
I would not understand
Or is it just because I do not want to?

Please don’t leave me
I would not beg directly
I’m too proud for it

Love me unconditionally
I will not ask for it
I don’t think I deserve it

I tried my antiques today
But they didn’t have the same effects
As they did yesterday

Have you really gone far?
Have you really left me?
Have I no meaning for you anymore?

Yet in my heart I know
The answers to my questions
Even if I denied them

The truth I do not want to see
The past I wanted to stay
The future I cannot escape

It’s eating me inside out
Even so, I can't let you go.

Aug 25, 2009

utterly hopeless

A heart flutter
My stomach flip
I got this funny feeling
Every time I say your name
Tell me
What is it?

Aug 22, 2009


Yep, Ramadhan is here~

Marhaban ya Ramadhan..

Selamat Berpuasa to all muslims..

don't ever skip your fast without any legal reason.. XD

Aug 20, 2009

Shattered Windows

Shattered windows
Stared back at me
Pieces of me reflected
On the broken glass
Broken light, color spins
Reaching out I could almost feel
The warmth
Of the sun, laughing
I gather my courage
And walked out the gloomy room
Through the shattered windows

Aug 16, 2009

Book Review: The Kite-Runner

It has been ages since I've done a book review.....
So, here it is, a review on Khaled Hosseini's The Kite-Runner
I was so touched by the book, I made short notes/poems/things based on how I feel about it

All hail the new style (and probably I won't do it again) of orange review~

you know you like it~ XD
and actually, I've read and done the review since last year...--''

The Kite-Runner
Author: Khaled Hosseini
Publisher: Riverhead; Later Printing edition (January 1, 2005)
Language: English
ISBN: 1-57322-245-3 (first edition, hardcover)

You and I, we were inseparable
You were the better half of me, the source of my envy
You love me unconditionally and for me,
A thousand times over

You died for me. Like you said you would
But I don’t think I deserved such loyalty.

I know I wronged you
It haunts my dreams
For 20 years I tried to forget you
But you, you still love me

“You were too hard on yourself, you were just a kid”
No, I wasn’t. I could’ve done something.
He has done so much for me

Regrets, how I wish I stood up for you

“I love you, but you steal him from me!”

All those darken nights
All those frightful dreams
All those regretful feeling
All those painful thoughts
Are now gone
Thank you, for forgiving me

As the sky filled with bright colored kites
Shadows lifted from my heart, from my soul
Suddenly nothing else mattered
Cause finally, I’m with you

For you, a thousand times over………….

(All are written based on Amir's feelings on Hassan, his bestfriend)

picture from

the words he said

I trust you and you trust me, I know that you are smart and I know you are going to make good decisions, so you do whatever you want to do.

you've made me happy, thank you :)

Aug 15, 2009

Word Jumbo Sales

Today, I’m going to post random things I found in my sketch book. Most of them will not make any sense and I suspect, 90% of them were left hanging by yours truly…


We are fated to be enemies
Both are on the other side of destiny
Our meeting will bring destruction
To us and the world around

And yet, I can’t stop my heart from loving you
- inspired by Sugar Sugar Rune

I am lost without you
How am I supposed to live without you
Would I betray you if I love somebody else?
- Inspired by life events

You are the epitome of perfection
I wish you’re dead
- My wishful thinking…

This is a set of three

1. And I carved your face
In stone
Just to smash it to smithereens

2. Will it satisfy me to carve out my heart and burn it to ashes?

3. How many times do I have to cut myself just to see it bleed?

All of these are separates, unless otherwise stated

I poured all my dreams in you
When it’s over, I felt blissfully empty

There’s no life worth dying for
If I found it, I’ll gladly gave my soul for it

I hide myself for fame
But it consumed me

I can’t see myself without the other


I think boredom

Will one day

Finally kill me

You haunt my being

Everything I do, reminds me of you

I can’t even start anew

Somehow, loving you

Destroys me too

Until now, I still chase after you
- Inspired by d.n.j.h

Never you, always me

And I’ll gladly give my love to something

That will not break my heart

- L’Arc~en~Ciel-centric…

darkness consumed me, hence inspired all these words...

From My Window

I looked outside, through my window

Through the curtain


And glass

Straight ahead there’s a wall

A small tended garden

And my neighbor’s roof.

The sun is shining


From my window

But in my room

It’s as dark as night

Aug 14, 2009

Mitch and Cain: Part 3

Cain had always piqued her interest. He was friendly with boys and girls alike, joking with them all the time. There’s always smile on his face. However, there’s something about him that made her think there’s more to Cain than just a class clown. Okay, a class-clown with very cute face. With his charming grin and boyish face, plus his dare-devil bad boy way, it’s little wonder that Cain had unintentionally gained an array of fans. Since he treated them all nicely, his unofficial fan club only grew bigger day by day. Sadly, that made Cain off-limits to the girls.

Never one with the crowd, somehow the social rules weren’t implied on Mitch. No matter how outrageous her doings, she always got away without a scrape. Unintentionally, she kept under the radar, and when caught, she always looked so guilty, people just let her go. So when she approached Cain, none of the girls from the fan club gave her their famous “warning”.

She wished. Cain’s fan club members weren’t as forgiving as others. She was cornered after class the day she introduced herself to him. Surrounded by ten menacing looking girls, it did not scare her one bit. Disinterestedly, she stared off towards the scenery behind the girls while thinking of dinner. One girl broke the silence.

“Why did you approach Cain? Don’t you know he belongs to us?”

Inspecting her nails now, she purposefully ignored the question. Talking to herself, she walked out of the ring of girls, oblivious to the angry expressions. Two steps, and her bag was yanked by one of the girls. Taking off the earphone at her left ear, she turned deliberately toward the bag-puller.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you. Let go of my bag”

Naturally the puller refused, and yanked her bag harder.

“You know, they left me alone for a reason. And this bag is one of a kind. You can’t find it in stores anymore”

She wouldn’t budge. Her friends moved to close on Mitch once again. Sighing, she shrugged off her bag and sat cross-legged on the floor. Ten girls cowered over her, all with murder in her eyes. Mitch shook her head; these girls definitely do not know who they are messing with. She stood up again, dusted the sand off her back and spoke.

“Dudes, give me some space will you? I’m claustrophobic okay?”

That line made the girls closing tighter around Mitch. Smirking, they were making life as difficult as possible for Mitch. They thought they were doing rather great, since making life difficult was their specialty. But not today, today their world is going to be a bit different.

One of the girls started jabbing her fingers at Mitch. Instantaneously, ten fingers were poking her with varying speed and intensity. At the same time, they were yelling simultaneously at her. The jabbing soon turned to pushing, and Mitch was pushed around like an unwanted kitty. The yelling got worse, sentences spoken without stopping. Still Mitch let them, keeping her silence. Fervently she wished for a witness. When she was pushed against the wall, her prayers were answered. She got her witness.

A guy accidentally saw the little scene during his aimless stray. Letting the girls messed around with her a little bit more, Mitch managed to look like a victim in the little affair. After the guy left to call a teacher (the guys knew better than meddling with girls’ affairs), she punched the face of one of her tormentors.

The punched-out girl staggered back. Other girls gasped. Gingerly picking her bag that was left lying, Mitch spoke to the group:

“That is the main reason why the girls left me alone, and boys don’t affect me at all. Sorry dudes, you guys were no match for me. And as for Cain, I pity him for having you guys as his fans. He’s a good guy, and you manage to make him look bad. Too bad that doesn’t make me want to leave him alone. So if you want to continue our little chat, feel free to corner me again tomorrow, okay?”

With that, she walked out of the scene, just in time as the guy arrived with a teacher. Popping on her earphone back, she turned up the volume and sang along with the song from her mp3 player. She never noticed another person watching her from behind the wall. Nor did she notice the evil way he was grinning.

Aug 10, 2009

holidays and new semester


One week had passed since I officially became a fourth year. FOURTH FREAKING YEAR??

It seems like yesterday, when i first arrived to Jogja. and i can still vividly remember the "horrors" of orientation week.

The Bali trip, my dad's sickness and his death, the terrible break-up, my crushes on two guys at the same time, PKPMI-CY projects, sienkrutz formation.....

All the time just flies... and before I know it, I'm gonna be 23 this year, and I'm a super senior...

and that, sounds OLD. -_-;;

Few things happened during the holiday season:
  1. i went to Kota Kinabalu with Aisyah
  2. shopping
  3. Went to JB to see Aisyah
  4. Went to Singapore with Aisyah
  5. Hangout with Anet, Raje, Achot, Kuzi, Jet, Alia and Ros
  6. I met Zul's girlfriend, Ida
  7. and spent hours on irc...
  8. i even volunteered to be a cleaner of a scanlation group, shi-ki~
and now, i'm so over Jern. hahaha! XD
one week has passed, and i've just started working on my proposal. haish~ XD
but i think, i'm gonna be stronger this semester, no more depressed episodes, no more thoughts of quitting, no more self-belittling. because they say, that love, is a very powerful thing, and i'm lucky i have it at my side.

I know now, that I'm not alone~