sometimes...i don't know why i bother..

yeah, you guys know how much i'm into manga and anime. in fact, the first thing you guys would describe as, besides being kinda weird, is i'm really into manga and anime (hence the reason why i'm weird).

well, even though i'm practically lived in fantasy land (yeah, manga and anime are fictions), i don't and i truly don't believe they are real.

and there's a fucking retard in my forum saying that his brother's real name is uchiha sasuke. he can't get his birth cert because retard Kakashi is holding it for him lest he'll lose it.

GET REAL.

i'm just venting my anger at some underage kids who think they own the world and they know everything. and when people keep on telling them that they're wrong, they just think that we're discriminating them, and we don't understand.

i've been reading manga since i was 7 (doraemon is a manga guys), and never once do i think that Sha Gojyo is freakingly real and he's waiting for me somewhere just to get married to me. dreaming about it, yeah. but believing it's true, no. i'm not that stupid.

nor am i delusional.

hirano rants II

hirano kouta is currently my favourite manga artist

. .......

well maybe because i'm in love with "Hellsing" (damn jin for adding another manga addiction in my life...i don't need that you know!!).

i didn't know he drew a hentai (porn) manga before. and the fact that most of his characters in Hellsing are just recycled from his old hentai works. imagine Father Anderson:


was actually a character from his old hentai work titled Angel Dust. and guessed what, one of Anderson's nickname is "Angel Dust" Anderson (other than Regenerator, bla bla bla). Gahhh!!! and that stupid Hirano Kouta had to kill Pip Bernadotte right after he got his first and last kiss from Seras Victoria!!!

i was hoping that the romance between them will progressed...and that baka baka manga-ka had to kill him!!!ARGHHH!!! not to mention Walter betrayed the Hellsing Institute to move on to the darkside.
DAMN!!

there's now two of my favourite characters turned from good to bad (one being Uchiha Sasuke).

YOU BASTARD HIRANO KOUTA!!! GIVE ME BACK PIP BERNADOTTE AND WALTER THE BUTLER!!! making Pip as Seras' familiar isn't enough you know. nor making Walter looking 30 years younger. at least bring him back to his teens. XD

ps: yeah, i'm ranting again...so what??it's titled hirano rants after all....

hirano rants..

well...
nosferatu alucard is a character from a manga titled Hellsing. somebody introduced it to me, n now i'm really into it. i don't wanna talk bout the manga, just wanna post up some scanlan of the manga:you guys to have to click on the picture to enlarge it so you can read what's written. i posted it here coz i thing its funny. and stupid. and a little bit perverted though. ngaa...

Maggi

Maggi.
new maggi product i found through Google

the instant noodle brand that made my life. serious.
any malaysian that doesn't know what maggi is, well, i can just say, "YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS?!!"

i ate maggi when my mom's not cooking, or as a breakfast treat, or when i seriously don't have money, or just as midnight snack.

and not one of my friends had ever say no to a pack of maggi. everyone was always searching for it back in high school. seriously, it's always "wey, ko ada maggi tak?" or "eh, maggi ko rasa apa? tom yam ada?" it's such a treat eating maggi. we don't know why.

oh, we tried other brands. how we tried. from mi ruski, to mamee to whatever weird naming brand. but always, always we go back to maggi. always to two favourite flavour of all time, maggi kari and maggi tom yam.

maggi is like an addiction to us malaysian students. my friend's brother, bought maggi to stock it when he's in japan. aisyah got maggi stock. heck, even here, in jogja where everyone eat instant noodle, some of my friends (me included) asked our friends who went back malaysia to buy us at least a five-pack maggi package. bad huh?

and there's this ad i heard a while back on the radio, this guy, apparently pretty well to do, an adult, he'll always bring a pack of maggi when he travels abroad.

i miss maggi. serious. no indomie, kare, sarimie, abc, mi ruski, super, mamee with its "mi yg lebih kenyal", myojo, nissin (yes, even nissin, the grandfather of all instant noodle) can beat malaysian curry flavoured or tom yam flavoured maggi.

OY!! DON'T STEAL MY MAGGI!!!!

plain life

i've gotten a lionhead goldfish last week, it's called kouji, and i assumed it's a male.

giutar lessons are getting harder, i'm starting to learn to play a song.

came back from my friend's birthday party. i still couldn't fit in.

still haven't search anything for tomorrow's tutorial.

i lost a few kgs over the past few months, but i'm still far from my ideal weight.

i've been reading 666 Satan non-stop, now i'm only at chapter 56

the song Mou Kimi ga Inai (Funky Monkey Babys)...ngaa...kouji likes it...hehe

still can't decide i like jern better or jin better..(ngahahaha!!kidding2 saja tader keje)

feels like i've been sleeping for a whole week now, but i still go to class (?!)>

few weeks ago, our female futsal team (batch 2006) won the Inter Annual Futsal League, i'm one of the defender.>

we lost 2 games in a row now in Meds Faculty Annual Basketball League.

i wanna go back home on december holiday, but i can't...

alex "taught" us tounge exercise for kissing purposes by tying cherry stalk using only your tounge. i thought only sakura leaves are used in those practices.

i think jern looks cute tonight. but then again...he always looks cute.. *smack head* oww!!who smacked me??

ngaa...i'm bored. i better get my ass off the pc...

and last but not least, I HATE FRIENDSTER!!!!

you know you've been....

i do know that i'm considered poyo according to aisyah's list of poyoness (and if raje did a list of geekiness/nerdiness,i'll definitely be one). but what the heck!! haha!! i did this list right after i read Kagen no Tsuki (Last Quarter) manga....

YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN READING TOO MUCH YAZAWA AI WHEN:

• your favourite brand is Vivienne Westwood
• you think that sadomasochistic costumes of The Sex Pistols are sexy
• you suddenly develop a sudden craving to wear ridiculously high platforms when you never even wear heels in your whole life
• guys you like are able to play guitar, smoke, have bad boy attitude and definitely can't live without you
• you learn to like punk rock music even though you were into something different before
• you wanted to form a band
• you like high fashion, those that can only be costumes, or worn on runways
• your favourite band is Black Stone
• you believe in soul mate, reincarnation and dead lovers watching over alive ones.

i realized i've been poisoned by yazawa ai after i've finished reading one of her manga, Last Quarter (there was a movie made based on this manga, hyde acted as the main male character). why i said i've been poisoned? i fall in love with Adam (the dead musician boyfriend) and Mizuki (the alive reincarnated girlfriend) relationship the way i'm into Ren/Nana (NANA) and George/Yukari (Paradise Kiss).


Adam and Mizuki


in this story, Adam/Mizuki have almost the same ending like George/Yukari. the only difference is Adam is dead, while George not. and yeah, Mizuki fell in love with the ghost Adam, while George, he went to Paris to continue his study in fashion and Yukari refused to follow him because her "career as a model has just started".

bad relationship ending! i'm hoping for Nana and Ren to have a happily ever after ending. it's nerve wrecking to see their unstable relationship!!! i'm rambling. sorry. and oh yeah, if you don't get it, just do what you guys always done, ignore it.

losers of today

pathetic aren't we?
hanging on to something
so trivial
so fragile
it'll break no matter what

sad aren't we?
always wanting for something
that we know
we could never get
nor even touch

us
a bunch of sad, pathetic persons
trying our best
to find a place in this cruel, unforgiving world

us
a bunch of sad, pathetic persons
trying our best
to love someone in this cruel, unforgiving world

us
a bunch of sad, pathetic persons
trying our best
to live in this cruel, unforgiving world

we've been given chances
we've screwed up

we are the losers now
not asking for sympathies
just asking for empathies

sid vicious and the sex pistols

i'm not going to yap about the sex pistols and SID VICIOUS like an expert on them since i just listened to ONE of their songs, YESTERDAY.
i just wanna comment on SID VICIOUS.

if you guys realised, when i posted the entry Diaries, NANA and BLAME!, Ren (Nana's boyfriend), looks a lot like SID VICIOUS. in fact, he was modeled after SID VICIOUS. previously in the Black Stone/Blast (Nana's band), Ren played the bass like SID VICIOUS too.

who is SID VICIOUS?




SID VICIOUS was the bassist of The Sex Pistols. born in May 10 1957, and died on February 2 1979, due to heroin overdose. quoted from wikipedia:

Manager Malcolm McLaren once claimed "if Rotten is the voice of punk, then VICIOUS is the attitude". Alan Jones described SID as "[having] the iconic punk look (...) SID, on image alone, is what all punk rests on.

but the trouble with SID VICIOUS was:

John Lydon/Johnny Rotten (the Pistols' vocalist) later recalled: "The first rehearsals with SID were hellish. Everyone agreed he had the look. SID tried real hard... but boy, he couldn't play bass."

and he still couldn't play bass, even when they recorded their one and only studio-recorded album : Never Mind The Bollocks, Here's The Sex Pistols.

Due to VICIOUS' lack of musical ability, the bass parts on Never Mind the Bollocks were performed by others, including Glen Matlock, brought back as a session musician, Glen Thomas and Steve Jones. According to Jones: "SID wanted to come down and play on the album, and we tried as hard as possible not to let him anywhere near the studio. Luckily he had hepatitis at the time".Although VICIOUS did record on one occasion, his contribution was later over-dubbed. Jones recalls: "We just let him do it, innit. When he left I dubbed another part on, leaving SID's down low. I think it might be barely audible on the track".

it's not like i wanna do SID-bashing or something (he's dead, and even if he's alive he would be an old man, and i don't give a damn actually whether he can play music or not), it's just i wanna comment on fans attitude towards him.

he's not a great musician. he's just a celebrity with a lot of scandals that catapulted him to stardom! what good is a bassist that can't play bass? and okay, i admit, he's cute. my current wallpaper is his pictures. but then again, he's NOT a god, nor he was a GOOD punk musician, he's just the IMAGE of punk. it's like the mascot of The Sex Pistols. yeah, mascot. like the Ronald McDonald is the mascot of McDonald's.

and yeah, i wrote this out of anger when my image of SID VICIOUS was shattered by wikipedia. if my facts are wrong, sue wikipedia. i took all the quotation from there.

peace y'all.

lessons learned from friends

i know i don't have the ability to write like raje. or even make my life sound interesting like aisyah. but i'll try my best to express the gratitude i felt over meeting my friends...

where should i start?
maybe i'll go with primary school friends..

when i was in primary school, i was one of the popular girls. well, kinda. i think. haha! maybe because we only have around 120 students per batch, and most of us has been in the same school from standard 1 until 6. what my primary school friends taught me:

you can get good friends regardless of academic results

prefects are mostly jerks (haha!i'm a prefect too.. :P)

don't mess with girls, we are scary

friendship doesn't last forever, but it does last for 11 years or more XD XD

then, i moved on to lower secondary school. made more friends, but mostly i hang out with my own crowd. and i'm not that popular in lower secondary..haha! maybe it is now i started showing my weirdness and my deviation from the crowds..most of my friends now are from same class, as we have less time socializing during school hours, and i don't get to meet my schoolmates outside school time. but here's what i got during my 3 years of lower secondary:

same interests can bind you through the barrier of languages, races and classes (all of my close friend during lower secondary are chinese, and they are from different class from me, i mean, school class, not social class)

boys can cause a huge war among girls (one of the reasons why i'm not close with the malay girls)

cliques are fun, but at the same time, cruel

crowds are for the popular, the boring, and the one without principles (haha!!kidding, kidding!)

time for upper secondary. and the girl who can't do anything tried to live on her own in a boarding school. me, who are used to living with guys (i got two brothers, and we're close) suddenly surrounded by girls, and gossips. girls do gossip a lot! but that's one of the fun part i guess..XD XD XD.. the lessons i picked up here:

don't let the crowd get you. high schools are cruel place, but people changed once they've left school.

being different is fun, unique and memorable. i mean, how many girls can claimed they've been chased by teacher for playing fireworks and mercun at midnight???

good friends are easy to find, if you know where and how. i got lots of good friends here, and we still contact each other.

guys held such a tight string over girls. most of girls perspective are shaped by guys (that's what i found out in high school)

wow! i've left school! now i'm in intec, preparing for my big debut in university. i still have lots of fun, and suddenly, guys are being good to me! here's what i find out:

good guys are easy to find. serious.

being yourself have a lot of benefits, i.e you don't know that the cute guy next door like wacky girls, nor do you know that the quite girl over there really likes hanging out with loudmouths.

looks can be deceiving. in a good way. you never know that the clever girl likes japanese music, or the macho looking guy has an obsession with manga and anime..

being active can broaden your perspective, and got you a vast diversity of friends. i mean, if i don't join the theater, do you think i can be that close to didi???

aahh..finally the time have come for me to enter the university...i have a lot of good friends here, and the lessons i've learned seems to repeat themselves.. so no new lessons learned except:

i didn't know seniors can be this interesting or this good to juniors!!!

older doesn't mean more mature. this apply to most male seniors.

actually, this post was meant to tell about all my close friends (especially aisyah and raje), but i don't know why it turned out this way..hmmm

taperlaa..
haha!!!

well, i think one of the best thing that had happened to me is to go to that boarding school. coz there i met a lot of wonderful persons (aisyah, raje, kuzi, anet, lie, mimi, wan ali, rezuan aspar, etc), and i learned to tone down my wackiness so i can survive in the harsh world of university life. and another best thing that happened to me was intec!! God, i basically partied everyday there!! XD XD XD. it was helluva fun, and damn interesting, with lots of different mix of people, unlike the boring life of my uni...hahaha!!

but then again, if i don't come here, i wouldn't befriended all the siencrutz members, and intan, and syazwan, and jernih.. and i wouldn't be posting the picture of luqman in my blog..hmmmm... XD XD XD
MEDS STUDENTS ARE A BUNCH OF BORING PEOPLE!!! (me included.. =P)

random rambling

takuya of UVERworld:





luqman of UGM:




they look a tad bit similar it's scary...not to mention i do have a crush on takuya..>_< ps: sorry izzah!!aku tak minat luqman!sumpah!!seyes!! cuma time aku kena demam UVERworld yang melampau je aku ushar dia!uhuks....>_< pps: i do not have a crush on him!!beside's he's my friend's boyfriend!!it's only i'm having takuya craze!!

nightMARE

takuro's A string broke...how could i break the 2nd thickest string of a giutar is a mystery..damn!and i only practiced a little bit tonight!not to mention i'll be having futsal match and no time to buy that dreaded string! argh!!!

ps:kesalahan ejaan "guitar" adalah disengajakan..Uchuujin spelled it that way..i'm just following his style. XD

tell me again why i switched to blogspot?

well..this is just me trying to vent my anger at the slow connection from my internet provider to this site.

i switched blog from friendster to here coz it's like an impossible task for me to post a blog...i mean, loading takes forever!!and if that's not enough, then we'll have the "problem loading page" thingy showing right in front of my face.

example of how sucky my internet connection to friendster server is, i'm currently trying to read a friend's blog, and it's still loading after more than five pages of online manga. sucks, isn't it?

and i also have almost the same problem with blogspot, although not that severe. it's just that i'm having problems reading/posting comments. why is that happened i don't know. maybe it's due to the suckiness of my internet connection despite the amount i payed.. heck!!it's more expensive than streamyx, but the quality makes you wanna cry... to those who complain bout streamyx quality, please remember that us in indonesia we have to pay more than twice the price to get the same service quality.. DAMN!

argh!!!GOD, PLEASE GIVE ME GOOD INTERNET CONNECTION!!!

me,music,manga,anime

me.music.manga .animecan i make an album out of these? like L.A.M.B of Gwen? it'll be like M.M.M.A...cool isn't it?
haha...
i'm just rambling bout two of my long time obsession and one currently added.
which one is which? manga and anime is long time, and music is just current. suddenly i felt like i wanna explain why i'm obsessed with all these three. let's roll!!


first manga that caught my attention:





DRAGON BALL. serious. it was the Dragon Ball. all 43 volumes of it. storyline and illustration by Akira Toriyama, it's considered as one of the legendary manga series. you can still find the merchandise of Dragon Ball up until now. serious. i'm not kidding..even tho Goku probably be a real old man by now... why i like it? action-packed and uncluttered drawing. i mean..it's one of the few manga without much of unneeded screen tone every where. well..even tho in DBZ the story becomes draggy and worst in GT...but it's the anime's fault!!not the manga!! the manga was cool even until the last box where Goku flew off to godforsaken where to train with the reincarnated Majin Buu.


first anime that caught my attention:






can't remember..honestly i can't remember...i think might be Fruits Basket or Full Metal Panic...well..it's not really the first anime that caught my attention, its more like the anime that got me back to watching animes. i stopped watching any after the disappointment in Chinese-dubbed Saiyuki shown in 8TV. the dub was horrible, with crappy subtitle, i'd rather kill myself than watching that shown on tv. why can't they just leave the original japanese and dubbed it in bahasa melayu?? hearing sha gojyo speaking chinese in that horrid, horrid voice was just pure torture....


first music that make me go crazy:





L'Arc~en~Ciel. need i to explain more?? i fell in love with the album REAL, and then..wham!there's no turning back. period. the music, pulled me into a world called J-Rock (japanese rock) and convert me to a hardcore fan girl. notice the word : "HARDCORE". because of L'Arc, i'm into other bands like UVERworld and ORANGE RANGE. two totally different bands with music so different from L'Arc. heck i even took music lessons because of this band! i started writing my "things" due to influences of the lyrics written by them...aarghh!!

i fall in love with the kiss...

yeah..you guys didn't read it wrong.. i fell in love with the kiss.. kiss given by 4 very much older guys, and i absolutely obsessed with all of them.

haha!! kay,kay!! i'm cutting the crap!

first, i'm talking bout L'Arc~en~Ciel...the band that you see at my links..yes, it's a band, not just some random videos uploaded. for those who don't know L'Arc~en~Ciel , you can google bout them. i won't be the one telling you who the hell are they for 100th times..i mean, there's a lot of sites dedicated to them already, and i'm just one of the later fans that don't really know much bout them.

kay..back to my title: FALL IN LOVE WITH THE KISS

what is KISS? like i said, given by 4 talented (but perverted..urgh) old men. easily said, latest, the very latest album by L'Arc~en~Ciel.
official released date : 21 NOVEMBER 2007
album: KISS
11th album from the band L'Arc~en~Ciel, which consists of hyde (vocal), tetsu (bassist/band leader), ken (guitarist), yukihiro (drum) but it leaked on the 19.

haha...currently available for downloads..and i'm one of the impatient fans that can't wait for two more days. cool cover huh?






here's the track listing:

1.	SEVENTH HEAVEN
2.	Pretty girl
3.	MY HEART DRAWS A DREAM
4.	Suna Dokei
5.	spiral
6.	ALONE EN LA VIDA
7.	DAYBREAK'S BELL
8.	Umibe
9.	The Black Rose
10.	Link -KISS Mix-
11.	Yuki no Ashiato
12.	Hurry Xmas

uhh...and i'm still having a hard time to make my ranking of fav tracks...but honestly, to me, this album is much, much, much better than AWAKE...maybe that album is too heavy for me.. too full of questions bout life and all..

gawwdddd........KISS is soooo....addictive...I'm currently listening to Umibe when i'm writing this..and seriously, the guitar, is mesmerizing, and hyde's voice is already back to his old heart wrenching style of singing...way way wayyyyy better than previous SMILE or AWAKE...not to mention my current favourites of Daybreak's Bell and MY HEART DRAWS A DREAM...even SEVENTH HEAVEN sounds good now..damn!! and i have a lot of favourites too from this album...

ahh...tak sia-sia order three times!!!hehe!!

oh... and here's the ad for KISS:






yeah...they're a bunch of retarded old men...XD XD XD XD
(OBSERVE the first part of picture, where hyde's "sweetly kissing" tetsu...and the second part, ken is making disgusted face at yukihiro's "romantic kiss"...WAHAHAHAHA!!)
and before i forget, CONGRATS TETSU FOR GETTING MARRIED!!GOD, FINALLY!!!I THOUGHT YOU'RE A GAY!!HAHAHA!!no, no...i'm just kidding...

blackout in jackal!!!

huahuahua!!!

Jalan Kaliurang (Jackal) blacked out. i lived around that area, so my house has no electricity from 4pm till 9pm.

the reason:


rain + wind =




so...no wonder it blacked out for sooo longgg....

and this also happened :





this lane is really next to my house...and never ever before the lane was used as the main road. because of the fallen billboard the road was temporarily closed and all the vehicles (buses and trucks included) had to use this teeny weeny lane....

yep. first time ever a blackout in Jackal was this hectic (?). but it was cool though. i went out tonight with intan to everywhere with the excuse of finding functional ATMs. me, riding a bike at night with one of the rear mirror missing, and the brake doesn't function properly, and lots of other vehicles around me. plus with a passenger behind me. sounds like a recipe for disaster. good thing we came back alive and in one piece with no damage to the machine..phew..

*all pictures are courtesy of intan

ps: my shoes in the shoe rack got wet.

i should just delete my friendster account

seems like i really hate friendster nowadays. dunno why...maybe because the difficulty for me to login or maybe because i saw the pointlessness of having just a page that doesn't really say anything bout your recent activities..

and someone had started abusing friendster's bulletin board. i mean, i can accept all those stupid questionnaires posted (coz i enjoy doing them too)...but i don't get the point of sending private messages using bulletin board. like...hello!!! if you're too lazy to open the person's page to send a message, then don't!! you're just making my board overcrowded and at the same time spreading your what ever problems to the world...

dammit. stupid idiotic people with no sense whatsoever. ARGH!!!

ps: tiredness + rain = the feeling of killing someone

a mouse in the house

a few days ago when i was having dinner with intan at my sort of rented house, suddenly she went quiet. and she asked me:
* " rean, kamu lihat nggak yang tadi tuh?"
"nampak ape?"
"tikus...."

oh shit....so we scramble out and checked our rooms to make sure we both closed the doors. and i just arrived in the nick of time to see the rat/mouse trying to climb up to my room using those cloth hanger thingy..(alah..penyidai besi yg portable tuh...). so i banged the hanger, the mouse fell down and ran towards next door. well, the next door room was empty...but seeing the creature climbing the door made me kicked the door. and the mouse fall once again but ran towards intan. she made some commotion which made the mouse to run back to the empty room.

well...mbak ellin kept watch on the mouse movement for us while we continue our dinner (but not in peace). then yu im came and saved the night. she scared the mouse downstairs and made sure it ran straight into the gutter. all the time, all of us was praying that the mouse wouldn't get in into any occupied rooms...

well..see how thing so small can cause a commotion so big? not to mention i was really really geli with that stupid tikus... dang...

* notice how the two of us speak in two different language? she in indonesian and me, malay..

ps: sudden rain is definitely not allowed...

a mysterious man

i got a mysterious missed calls from an unknown number yesterday. being me, my phone went dead all day and i don't even realize it until i woke up this morning. so what i actually got was reports saying i got missed calls from that alien number. and that number called me again once this morning.

since it called me lots of time without me actually picking it up, i thought it was something or someone important. i mean, it could be my guitar instructor calling to cancel the lesson, or my classmate for things that had to do with today's tutorial. so i called the number back. three times. nobody pick it up.

and tonight, i missed the call from that mystery number again (seems like I'm not sensitive to my phone at all). so i called back. finally i got through. the voice that greeted me was not one that i know. or knew. or whatever. and it's a he. i asked who, he didn't answer, and i asked how he got my number, he said it's through his friend.

hm. i didn't know my number's being sold now... and he said he wanted to know me, so i said, i didn't know him. and i wasted 3 minutes worth of credit for something useless. guys who are afraid to meet me face to face to know me better has no place in my life.

i don't need cowards. so you guys out there, i maybe look like this, but i don't come cheap. if you want to know me get ready to face me and get through my barricades of girlfriends. so suck it up man!!

ps: i hate secret admirers..

junking away!!!

what happen when you add me and a pc together?

well nothing happen.

that's it. nothing happen as i keep on sticking my but on the chair surfing the net day and night and letting my eyesight gets worst as i keep on staring at the screen. hmm.

me plus a tv and game console?

i wouldn't study. period.

i'm just evaluating my actions if i bought those things. heh.

ps: now it's not only my shoes get wet, but my pants too...dang!

so, you wanna be a rockstar, eh?

i bought an a guitar last thursday. just got it back from being tuned yesterday. it's a Yamaha C360 model. i dunno whether it's a classical or acoustic guitar or whatever, but i'm sure it doesn't use electric, since it's not an electric guitar. and it's not exactly new either, a used guitar, but it does look new.

my journey to be a good guitar player starts now, and it's a long, long way still. i can't do even the finger exercise properly let alone play a decent song altogether. so bear with me. maybe in 3 months time i'll be able to play a L 'Arc~en~Ciel song. maybe i need longer time, or maybe i'll only take up a month or two.

it's cold today. i should do my lab report now, or maybe i'll just get it done tonight.

ps: i still hate wet shoes

staring in front of the pc doing nothing

here i am, writing blog when i should be getting ready to class.
listening to Glay's Rock n Roll Swindle and laughing my ass of to Onegai Senorita's video clips. it's raining outside, and i really don't want to get my shoes wet. sigh.

dream lasts for so long even after you've awaken.

ps: my shoes did get wet..on my way back

click below to donate for my WMD

mask/KAMEN

I wear a mask
Your's I saw hanging in the bedroom
The skin of the person next to me doesn't match his face
Everybody wears a mask
Don't dare deny it

Mask
so real it's the truth
so light it's unnoticed
of comfort it's needed
so secure can't live without

My masks are various
some look brand new, others had seen better days
I don't even look in the mirror
Without wearing one

Sometimes I wonder
How do I look underneath layers of masks
I can't remember
The last time I'm not wearing any

I miss my own face
If I shatter this deception
Will it show a face
full of regret?

I AM A SEME!!!

some test I did online and here's the result!! XD

Don't Fuck With Me Seme
(best part is the picture is Hyde-kun!!kyaa!!XD)

and the other test i did:

What kind of pirate am I? You decide!
You can also view a breakdown of results or put one of these on your own page!
Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

hahahahaha!!so vote for me!!! XD

saya pelajar korup

pembacaan saya di satu blog telah menyedarkan saya. rupa-rupanya, saya ni sama jek dengan pegawai-pegawai kerajaan yang korup yang menyelewengkan harta negara.

apa yang menyebabkan saya berkata begini?
sebab saya adalah pelajar tajaan kerajaan. mungkin korang sumer pikir hubungannya apa, kan?
meh sini saya terangkan.

saya adalah seorang pelajar tajaan kerajaan. dengan kata lain, saya belajar atas duit cukai yang dibayar oleh rakyat Malaysia yang tercinta. tapi apa yang saya buat dengan duit itu? saya lobikan dan saya laburkan atas perkara-perkara yang tidak berfaedah (contohnya, internet ni). atau menggunakan duit itu untuk pergi bercuti, atau membeli barang-barang berjenama seperti Vivienne Westwood.

bukankah itu sudah menyeleweng dari tujuan asal saya? duit itu untuk saya belajar, bukan berjoli. ini yang buat saya rasa seperti penjahat kelas B nih.

tapi tak mengapa, sebab saya bercadang untuk membayar balik tajaan saya ni. tak sanggup woo hidup atas simpati orang....sebagai orang yang berjiwa merdeka, inilah ludah yang perlu saya telan untuk mencapai cita-cita saya. kerana apa? kerana saya tidak mampu untuk membayar sendiri yuran pelajaran saya. kerana keluarga saya tidak mampu untuk mengeluarkan USD6000 setahun untuk bayar yuran saya. kerana kalau keluarga saya mampu pun, keluarga saya tak mampu nak tampung perbelanjaan harian saya (tak masuk duit sewa rumah lagi, duit tengok wayang lagi, duit shopping lagi).

dan tambah menyedihkan lagi, saya bukanlah pelajar yang top. nampak sangat macam datang sini bukan untuk belajar, tapi bermain2. syukur alhamdulillah walaupun tak masuk top 10, saya boleh jugak berbangga masuk list top 20 atau top 30.

jadi apa kesimpulan saya hari ini?

1. simpan duit untuk beli gitar elektrik Ibanez buatan tangan
2. simpan duit untuk beli tv
3. simpan duit untuk beli PS2
4. simpan duit untuk beli handbag guess
5. simpan duit untuk beli beg vivienne westwood
6. simpan duit untuk beli amplifier dan distortioner untuk bakal gitar saya

saya memang dah tak dapat diselamatkan lagi....T_T

jadi para pembaca, bandingkan saya dengan pegawai kerajaan yang korup dan anda semua akan nampak persamaan kami.

sekian terima kasih.

God Tower.....I finally realised how badly my brain had deteriorated...

currently playing two games : God Tower and My Diamond Baby.

God Tower is a game where you guessed the password for the next level according to the clues given..sounds easy?NOT!! well, to me anyway..I'm in level 14 now, and not once did I play without looking at the walkthroughs and spoilers (even using those i still have a hard time playing it).....seriously...where's my critical thinking skills have gone???

The other game was also equally tough, and surprisingly popular. Originally in Japanese language, now the game is translated into 2 other languages : Korean and English. basically it's a flash game, it's free, but sadly, it can't be downloaded. what makes it tough? one thing is because it doesn't really give a clue of what to do (i think it does...but very subtle clues), and the other thing is you have to click very carefully to get what you're supposed to get. I still haven't finished playing this game despite the walkthroughs I used (muahahaha!!).

I dunno why I'm doing game reviews...ah well...next time I'll do a coverage on two new singles from L'Arc~en~Ciel....ngahahahahha

kenapa aku tak tulis blog dalam bahasa melayu

i'm still a bunch of people that call bahasa malaysia as bahasa melayu.
sebab aku takleh terima tahap max bahasa melayu jadi bahasa malaysia...sebab apa yang malaysianya bahasa satu bangsa je? kalau nak bahasa malaysia...bahasa rojak bolehla jadi bahasa malaysia, majmuk bak kata orang hehe...

back to the topic.
kenapa aku tak tulis blog dalam bahasa melayu. alasannya mudah je. sebab BM aku berterabur. serius, memang berterabur....cakap dengan aku pun kengkadang kena dengar betul-betul dan cerna apa yang aku cuba sampaikan...agaknya macam habit keluarga kot, sebab adik-adik aku pun cakap terabur macam aku..mana dapat ntah, mak pak aku cakap bahasa melayu standard...haha..

bila aku start (ha, tengok...start..mana ntah dalam BM ada perkataan neh pun aku tatau) tulis dalam BM je, masa tu la ayat aku jadi macam budak tak penah abis skolah. sebenarnya aku rasa budak tak abis skolah pun ayat BM dia lagi baik dari aku...sekurang-kurangnya dia tak melakukan pelacuran bahasa seperti yang aku buat sekarang, secara besar-besaran pulak tuh..

dan aku rasa, sebab apa aku tulis lebih baik dalam english adalah sebab masa SPM dulu, karangan BM banyak karangan fakta..dan aku tersangatlaa (dahla ter, sangat lagi..ditambah dengan laa) benci karangan fakta. sebab bagi aku karangan fakta terlalu mengongkong, dan aku pulak, memang tak suka dikongkong (sebab tu aku tak dapat boyfriend kot..hahaha)..karangan english kan banyak guna fantasi? aku pulak suka berfantasi yang aneh-aneh dan bukan-bukan (hasil asuhan dragon ball dan terlalu banyak novel tak berkualiti yang aku baca, oh not to mention the devastating amount of comics that i read).

dan satu lagi. lepas aku masuk tingkatan 1 je aku dah tak jumpa buku BM yang bermutu untuk bacaan remaja. gilakah nak suruh aku baca buku A Samad Said masa aku umur 13 tahun? buku-buku BM masa tu sumer tak mengikuti perkembangan semasa. kejap-kejap citer tentang ali, ah seng dan linggam terserempak dengan kegiatan penyeludupan secara tak sengaja. atau ntah apa-apa lagi ntah yang aku dah tak ingat lagi. sekarang ni, kalau ingat-ingat balik, buku-buku BM yang aku suka baca kebanyakannya terjemahan dari cerita-cerita Enid Blyton atau serial The Three Investigators. bila dah nak dekat habis sekolah barulah aku jumpa Faizal Tehrani, yang ni memang pengarang kegemaran aku...jatuh cinta abis dengan cerita Kerana Manisnya Epal dalam buku cerpen wajib SPM tuh...mana taknya, kajian yang mendalam dan teliti, sampaikan aku yang benci epal ni pun terasa nak makan...(ye tuan-tuan, aku tak suka makan buah, sekian terima kasih)

ha.
apa lagi yek. satu lagi aku neh kengkadang suka layan jiwang. tapi aku paling tidak boleh menerima diri melayan jiwang dalam BM sebab jiwang yang teramat sangat sampaikan aku rasa macam nak muntah. ni sumer akibat dicuciotak dengan lagu-lagu melayu yang sucks gler tahap maximus primus. oh, lagu-lagu pop melayu yang popular kat radio tuh..bukan underground yek..(aku tak dengar underground, aku budak baik..haha).

bukan aku tak sayang bahasa sendiri, aku sayang, heck aku cakap sehari-hari pakai bahasa melayu apa...tapi bila nak tulis tu, aku rasa idea aku lagi senang kuar dalam bahasa inggeris..walaupun entri ini lebih tersusun pola ceritanya dari entri-entri aku yang lain (wahahahaha...pola cerita....kagum,kagum)

jadi..mengikut kesimpulan di atas....aku tak mampu untuk menulis dalam BM...sebab kalau dalam BM aku akan mempunyai perasaan untuk membetulkan ejaan dan tatabahasa aku...lagipun BM leceh dan panjang arrr...aku ni dahla pemalas tahap dewa ke180!!!

*yet another crappy entry by rean....total blog whoring at 4am...lack of sleep due tu "memblogeffikan diri" (talk about word whoring...what kind of word is "memblogeffikan"? same goes as "jentena" or "anterez" or what ever crap that i've created..)

well..there you go. rean sucks. hahaha

betrayal

being betrayed is hurtful.
even though it's just a mere prank, and it means nothing significant.
but still it hurt...because it will effect my relationship with the person...

I don't want anything to change, right now, I can't accept changes yet..
I just hope that he won't betray me further than that small prank...

a letter

dear GOD,

I'm thankful that I've been born a Muslim
I'm thankful that I've never blame You for all the bad things that had happened to me
I'm thankful that I've been blessed with a happy family, good friends, and a good brain
I'm thankful that I've never had the need to support my own self
I'm thankful that even though with all the things happened to me, I'm still happy
I'm thankful that I'm alive
I'm thankful for every single moment of my life
I know that I'm not that good, but I'm thankful that You always give me the chances to be better.

Thank you.

Diaries, NANA and BLAME!

i don't write diaries anymore.

maybe because i find putting my feelings on paper difficult.
maybe because i seem to be in front of the laptop most of the time, writing in a blog seems almost like a second nature.
and maybe because the best way to hide something is to put it in view.

one bad catch with blog though..i can't put my doodles here...i mean those silly sketches i did when i'm bored, sad, and just have the feeling like i wanna draw.

lately i'm obsessed with NANA, and the art book of Tsutomu Nihei (maker of BLAME!).

why NANA?
because NANA is a tragic story about rock bands and love. and nobody is cooler than Nana herself. not to mention all those pretty clothes and beautiful work of Yazawa Ai (also lots of Vivienne Westwood's stuff).

from left, Ren and Nana

and the music from the anime is simply beautiful. be it Anna Tsuchiya (inspi' Nana/Black Stone) or OLIVIA (inspi' Reira/Trapnest). and since what had happened to me lately, i found companion in songs sung by "Nana", either [rose], [stand by me], or [kuroi namida]..makes me feel as if Nana really understand what i'm feeling..
basically, to understand my way of thinking now, understand NANA. then you'll understand my needs for rock music and cigarettes. well, not cigarette maybe..but definitely rock music and Vivienne Westwood.

and BLAME! is just to satisfy my needs for reading mind-twisting sci-fi manga with beautiful artwork...
to me, currently, no manga-ka with work as detail and as intriguing as Tsutomu Nihei...when I'm down, the monsters of Nihei reflect me. When I'm happy, the adventures of Killy captivate me.

picture showing Killy and his trusted gun

by the way...how did i end up talking bout NANA and BLAME! when it was about diaries first??

memories of ayah

today i feel especially down. thus two entries of my blog...

it's been 11 days since my dad passed away, and i definitely still feel his lost.. being the eldest of the family and the only girl makes me especially close to ayah. i like to think that I'm the one resemble him the most, though in fact i do not know whether it's true or not.

ayah is my true idol. all i did, i'm just copying him. he's a great sportsman, i learned to play sport. he's a good artist, i started drawing. he's good with people, i observed and try to be like him. he's a great teacher, i tried to be a good friend..

when i was small, around 7 or 8 years old, i was a stubborn, hard-headed child. i would bully my youngest brother mercilessly and of course, my mom would get mad at me. being an obstinate child, I'd argue with her, and that made ayah especially mad. i'm the only one in the family that got all the "special" treatment from him; canning, being locked outside, being locked in the bathroom, etc. due to my stubbornness. but i always forgave him afterwards, because he always explained to me the reason he did that in his gentle, understanding voice.

i grew up later without much arguments with my family. however, my self crisis didn't ended there.

i prided myself as being a good student. okay, i always got first place in primary school, and it didn't hurt either that i'm always in the top 5 in lower secondary. but when i was in form 3, my marks dropped drastically, and i got scared. i got scared that my parents won't love me anymore, because at that time, i was convinced, since i'm such a useless girl (i can never do anything right, except studying, basically i'm a klutz) my parents only loved me for my good result. i was really scared that they'd reject me, so i began rejecting them first. i planned on running away from home. i've already layout the plan in my mind, as where to get the initial money, where would i go, and what would i do later. the only thing left from this plan was to get my family to hate me, so that they won't worry about me later...

of course i'd pick an argument with the person i love the most in the house, my dad. and the easiest way to make ayah mad at me is to hurt mak. see how evil my plan is? and how brilliant it is when it truly works as i planned? and i did exactly that. i hurt mak, and refused to apologize to her. ayah was furious, and he slapped me. never in my life, that i was slapped by him, no, never. imagine how mad i made him at that time. of course i cried. i cried out, i cried my frustration, my despair, my hopelessness, my anger and my fear. later that night, he came. and he told me that he love me, no matter what faults i have. but that doesn't mean i can go around hurting mak, hurting people around me. he love me for me, not because of my results. he said he'd love me even if i failed the subject. didn't you failed once? he asked, when you were 9? i still love you now, didn't i?

then i entered boarding school. i, who never stayed away from family for a long time, and who can't manage myself, left home. and ayah came to visit me with mak and amir and asyraf every weekend. the school was a stressful place for me, and of course ayah was the one who listened to my cries of woe. when i broke my specs on purpose, he's the one who came and took me home to make a new one. when i was having fever, he's the one giving me advises on what to do (he said to drink soft drink when i'm having fever...weird). and he's the one who came on every occasion in school..

and now, when i first came back from jogja for holiday, i cried when i saw ayah...i didn't know i missed him so much until i saw him in person...

to write every single thing that ayah did for me, this entry would be an excessively long one..

ayah is my pillar of strength, my rock, my support, and my anchor in this world. when i can't take it anymore, it's to him that i turn to...

and a friend of his told me that i'm his pride and joy..

ayah, i really missed you so much..i hope you are happy over there...al-Fatihah..

i still cried whenever i think of him...

blood stained tears..

i want to live the past, let me turn back time
the present is too harsh, my future's bleak
staring into the endless darkness
i let tears down my face and i cried

blood stained tears can't bring you back
blood stained tears is all i have
blood stained tears
drowning me...

i tried to be strong, acting like i'm okay
my sadness is hurting you, i know that
but when i'm alone i can't help myself
i'll think of you again and i cried

blood stained tears is my comfort
blood stained tears i hang on to
blood stained tears
killing me...

what can i do now, alone and lost
what can i say now, no words for me
i never thought you'd gone so fast

blood stained tears...

Nanda kore?

Today, 8:26 am, Jogja time

I'm supposed to revise my studies, but what i'm doing now? Staring in front of the computer, browsing thru blogs and yeah, searching for new L'Arc~en~Ciel files to download...

Yesterday, 8:45 am, Jogja time


"Pak, kertas Denver II nya ada lagi nggak?"
"Kertas yang dulu di mana? Lagi hilang?"
"Hehe...Makasih ya pak!!"

Denver II. i dreaded anything that has to do with a)skills lab, b)practicals, and c)going out of campus doing practicals for skills labs.

and yeah, i pretty much dreaded the Denver II test.

and it's not helping that i had to do the test with another group, and i would not (and did not) have a partner with me to help me doing the test.
being with a bunch of snotty kids did not help either.

but then again one had to do what one must do...so eventually i dragged myself out of the skills lab secretariat wearing totally mismatched clothes (jeans with strap on pvc black shoes...urgh), out to the INTER building, and just in time to catch a friend of mine who's willing to give me a lift to the TPA (taman panti asuhan aka nursery) (thanks AGUNG!!).

so,here we are.
TPA. it's hot, noisy and i'm coughing like there's no tomorrow. and why did i feel like my fever's getting worse after seeing kids running around?

grudges aside, beside the laziness and the fever, i like doing Denver II test. surprise surprise!! basically because it's a refreshing thing. being with kids don't require you to be cool, or macho or whatever the current youth society requires you to be. kids just want your attention and your willingness to go down and play with them. it's not a bad thing actually, after you get pass the crying and wailing.

the test took me around hmm..might be half an hour to do, the rest i spent playing around with my test subject (okay, that sounds so evil..so, i'll change to emm, my test subject?), called Nanda (her real name was quite long, i don't remember, besides everyone calls her with that name). she's cute, she's clever, and she likes me. what more can you ask? it's a bliss being with her, even though she's a bit clingy (keep calling "mbak! mbak!" when i went to get my bag and finished my report). although when i'm leaving, she refused to acknowledge me...isk isk isk (merajuk kot..sebab lepas ni dah tak jumpa lagi..)

so what i learn from this test:

kids don't care if you have food to bait them with. if you don't have the right technique, food won't work. period.

kids are active. and they are a jealous bunch too. who said kids are innocent?

kids don't give a damn if you are cute or handsome, or if you are really a smooth talker. if you're not willing to get messy with them, you can forget about it.

am i making sense?

STAND BY ME

since i don't have the courage yet to analyze my feelings yet...i just posted a translation from a song titled stand by me by anna tsuchiya..i think it pretty summed up how i'm feeling about my father now.. ______________________________________________________________________________________

No where to go
I walk a long way while muttering
that I'm sorry for this kind of myself.
Innocent butterfly,
Fly into the blue sky. By myself, tears spill sadly at nightfall
It's Cold...
An excessively long, dark night
Opens my eyes Sadness passes by painfully.
But I suddenly throw it all away
Because you loved me... Kiss me & stay with me
A flower blooming in eternity moves on, fleeting strongly
How could you smile for me
It's fine not to do anything
I want to forever be beside you
Always closely stand by me You softly caressed my cheek
Your warmth...
It's gentle...
A silent love of illusions...
Opens my eyes I was a weak, brutal person
A foolish being...
But you forgave me... Kiss me & say good bye
A closed-up flower rings out weakly and sadly
How could you cry for me
It's fine not to say anything
I want to forever be beside you
Always be beside me, smiling for me... Kiss me & stay with me
A flower blooming in eternity moves on, fleeting strongly
How could you smile for me
It's fine not to do anything
I want to forever be beside you Kiss me & say good bye
A closed-up flower rings out weakly and sadly
How could you cry for me
It's fine not to say anything
I want to forever be beside you
Always be beside me, smiling for me...
____________________________________________________________________________________click here for my previous blog