Jump up and say HELLO!

End of another era part 2.

2012-01-22T21:33:00.000+07:00

The most memorable year in my life. Third year was awesome. There's a lot of photographic evidence from this year, but I can only fit in a few into a 800 x 600 pixels of canvas.

Running

2012-01-22T00:16:00.000+07:00

Your love suffocate me
The cocoon that was warm
Is constricting me now
The bind that was comforting
Is now leaving marks on me

I’m yours I said once
And I truly mean it but your
Jealousy is too much I can’t
Take it
What is cute before had now
Become too creepy

Let me out
Let me out
I don’t want to be trapped
With your love no more

I’m not a fragile girl
That constantly needs you
I’m better than that
Let me go if you can’t take it

Your love is killing me
I’m afraid of you
This is not what we’re supposed
To be

End of another era.

2012-01-21T16:11:00.000+07:00

19th January 2012.

I received my degree, along with it, a title. I'm officially a doctor.

I am, Dr Nur Raihana Nordin, M.D

And we're going to walk down this memory lane together, reflecting on what the hell happened to me, to us during the 5 years and a half in Yogyakarta.

The good times, the bad times, the sad times, the awesome times. I am going to miss late night hanging out. I am going to miss spending hours in coffee shops. I am going to miss riding my beloved scooter. I am, going to miss the company.

I love you. All of my friends. I love you :)

Tired

2012-01-20T00:15:00.000+07:00

I’m tired of this world
Too many things I couldn’t control
Too many things I couldn’t achieve
Too many things I couldn’t accept

I need a break from this world
A getaway from it all
I’m sick of the materialistic ways
That makes the life go round

Shouldn’t it be okay if I’m not pretty?
Shouldn’t it be okay if I’m not rich?
Why should it matter if I’m bloody famous
When my heart is as dark as coal?

The superficial cocoon I created
Is now finally eating me outside in
The values I held highly before
Are now leaving my heart empty

You

2012-01-16T15:45:00.003+07:00

Your face came up
I stare
Flurry of other faces
I waited
You again
I blush.

Shoes

2012-01-16T10:03:00.000+07:00

Shoes

Life is like finding a good pair of heels
You’ll have to have an idea
Before you go searching for one
Hunting from shop to shop
Just to find the perfect pair
“This one looks delish, but the color won’t do”
“Ah, this pair! Just fabulous! What? It doesn’t have my size?”
“This one is just too high, I might topple over”
“Oh look at that pretty baby, too bad it’s a hassle to wear”
Then you tried, and tried
Walk in it
Primping
Matched it with your outfit
Then you bought it
Some shoes, are comfortable
Only in the shop
And you despaired, wasting money
On shoes you know you’ll never wear
Others stayed true
And a pleasant to walk in.

Teddy Has The Cutest Face of Them All

2012-01-15T06:12:00.003+07:00

Fuckin' cute

What I did last year

2012-01-15T06:00:00.001+07:00

Cheesy Giraffe

Glamorous Zebra

Sweet Chiyoko

Blue Teddy

Ink-stained Usagi

Scary Poppy

More books.

2012-01-15T05:47:00.001+07:00

I want more. This is not enough.

My Secret Love

2012-01-15T00:38:00.000+07:00

My Secret Love

I pretend not to notice you
But I watched you intensely
I pair you up with everybody
But silently I wished it would be me

I hide my jealousy behind smily face
And my longings behind childish banter
I do everything I could just to forget you
Still you're always on my mind

It hurts to be your friend
I bet it hurts more to be your best friend
I know you see me, but you don't notice me,
At least not the way I want it to be

Oh you are my best kept secret
Nobody knows, nobody even guessed it
Except those I opened my heart to
Not even you, especially not you

Say Hello.

2012-01-14T23:57:00.002+07:00

Hey.
How are you? I’m good over here. Been more than year since I really blogged. I’m sorry, life caught up with me. It wasn’t hectic per se you see, more like; I have no drive to write. None whatsoever. Maybe because I was happy (happy still), or maybe because there’s so much same shit in my life, it’s not worth mentioning anymore.

Reviewing back my entries, why the hell did I blogged for then? I didn’t write anything interesting, nor am I writing anything significant. What are in this blog are just some things that happened in my life, maybe you’re familiar with it, and maybe you don’t. But all in all, it’s just my perspective on things.

I
I lost my words.

2011-05-10T21:15:00.001+07:00

My heart, my brain ache
I have trouble sleeping
I can't wake up every morning
I ate too much
I moan and cry
My life's a misery
I just want to die.

lappy screen

2010-05-09T11:20:00.000+07:00

My laptop screen has broken a few weeks ago...
But I only sent it for repair on Friday, because only on Friday my screen arrived.
Teh shop dismantled it, put on new screen, and called me to say that my lappie is done.
When I went there yesterday, I saw a line across the screen...

She had to dismantle it again, only to find out she accidentally broke it.

*sigh*

So, I will be only getting my laptop back on Thursday or Friday. T^T

ps: I'm working on 3 Agent P keychains, and 2 Domo-kun hand phone charms.

bear Bear BEAR!!!

2010-04-05T10:58:00.004+07:00

Ohai Mr Miggins!

I made a teddy bear last night out of boredom. And because I can't think of anything to write for the next chapter of ULAM April.

Actually, I was browsing the net for felt toys pattern, since I have tons of felt fabric, and I have absolutely no idea what to make. But somehow, it ended up as me making a teddy bear.

The fabric, my old orange checkered shirt.

Started doing it around 11:30 pm last night, until 1 am, and then I continued making it this morning.

The result: RETARDED LOOKING BEAR.

HAHAHAHAHAHHA!

Sleepy eyed bear :D

BLAAAAAAAAAARGH!

It is that small... around a key chain teddy size XD

I'M A BEAR! SEE ME DANCE!

We pledge to do no harm

2010-04-01T20:15:00.005+07:00

Lining up for attendance and signing the oath.

Waaaaa! Today we have Janji Koas ceremony. Janji Koas is like mini Hippocratic Oath, since we're going to be "junior doctors". Because of the syllabus of my university, we finished 3 and half years of theory before diving straight into clinical stuff for one and a half years. Unlike Malaysian students where they'll dabble with clinical situations in hospital in between theoretical lessons.

With Min, in front of our house :D. Do not comment on the weight!

(and yes, I'm the short one ; ; bulat macam doraemon)

Anyway, even tho we pledged our Janji Koas today, not all of us will start at the same time. Those who passed the last OSCE-Comprehensive exam will enter clinical rotation first on the 5^th of April. OSCE-Compre is basically skills exam, skills that were tested were:

Integrated Patient Management – how we handle patients that come to see us, from diagnosis to physical examinations, to treatment and education. Very tough, because not only do we have to know about what are the patient's symptoms are pointing to, we also have to do vital signs, relevant physical examinations, treatment (as in prescribing drugs) and patient's education, all in 20 minutes time. AURGH
Clinical Reasoning – clinical reasoning is somewhat like IPM, but without the simulated patient. It's a written test, where we will be given a situation with certain symptoms. So we have to write 3 differential diagnoses (3 most likely diseases), the symptoms, signs, golden standard, lab exam etc of all 3 diagnoses, and write the treatment and education for the most likely disease. I FAILED THIS ONE AND HAVE TO REPEAT IT AGAIN T^T.
Minor surgery – D: this… is difficult because of we have to make sure our settings and the wound is aseptic at all time. What we do during this station is umm… wound stitching :D
Physiological labor – assisting stage 2 of normal labor. We use mannequin :D
Emergency – Okay… this stage is tough, depending on what case is given for emergency. If your case is IV line combined with catheterization, then honey, you're toast. But if your case is CPR and bandage, well, you can breathe easy. Unless you fucked the CPR good, or bandaged the wrong limb, there's unlikely chance for you to fail.

LOL. Looks like we're posing for some kind of girls band album cover :p

So, although now I'm officially a junior doctor, my rotation won't start till June. And like I said in my previous post, two months break, what do? Mom doesn't want me to go home, cause no one is available to fetch me from the airport (so sad T^T), I have no monies to go traveling, and I don't want to stay in Jogja alone while all my girlfriends are back in Malaysia (most of the boys won't go back, but… it's not like I'm staying with them, so they're like inexistent until I'm hungry or bored). Sorry for the sexist pics. They're not from my camera.. ( I accidentally left my cam cable at home... in Malaysia ; ;)

While waiting for the ceremony to start...

MOAR GIRLS! XD

What do?

2010-03-31T17:06:00.001+07:00

Hmmm…………….. 2 months (hopefully) more before class starts…

All because I didn't pass a 20 minute written paper exam…

; ;

Clinical reasoning susah okay! OSCE is irritating overall :<

So, 2 months break. What do?

Earthen Hour

2010-03-28T15:01:00.002+07:00

Did you guys participate in the latest Earth Hour yesterday?

I didn't.

I forgot about the hyped Earth Hour, when it was supposed to be celebrated. Then again, even if I remembered, I couldn't be arsed to join. Spending 60 minutes in total darkness is not my way of celebrating Earth. What do I do in the dark? Sit there idly while counting how many mosquitoes will bite me? No sir. I have better things to do, such as studying for my exam on Monday. Besides, I think I've done more than enough of my part in Earth Hour during the latest 3-4 hours power breakdown in Jalan Kaliurang. I think I emitted less carbon footprint sitting in my room than taking a ride around Jogja on my trusted Ken-chan.

One hour of total darkness isn't going to change much, you know. It's more of what you can do on a daily basis that will help the earth. You think that by participating in Earth Hour will make you feel good enough about yourself for wasting electricity for one whole year? Think again.

This is what you can do if you truly care about the earth:

Switch off your lights if you're not using it. If your room is bright enough during the day, then please, switch the light off. Having an electrical light on a bright, naturally lit room isn't going to make the room brighter.
If you can live without the air conditioner, please minimize the usage. Not only it will emit a lot of carbon footprint, using a/c for a long time will put a significant dent on your pocket.
Forget the recycling bullshit. Recycling is not power efficient nor earth efficient. What you can do is try to reuse everything. Minimize your trash. You have an unwanted bag? Use that bag for your grocery shopping. You don't have to buy specialized bag like what's being promoted in major supermarkets. Feeling bad because you use too many paper? Well, don't burn it. Sell it to the old newspaper collectors XD. Still feel bad about wasting paper? PLANT A TREE, NAO! Not only you'll reduce the carbon dioxide emission in your house, you'll be rewarded by the pleasant sight of greenery outside your home :D
Using energy efficient light bulbs helps a ton. You'll get the same illumination with almost half the cost. Isn't that sweet? XD Tho, I admit, that the bulb itself is expensive. It will be cheap in the long run! So don't be kedekut because you want to save a few ringgits initially! D:<
If you can shower without the hot water, please do. But then, I don't think this is a problem for Malaysians. Our country is freaking hot that the only time we use hot water is during the friggin early morning shower and that late night before sleep shower. I have yet to see a house in Malaysia that is fully equipped with hot water even the kitchen sink have hot water. Well, maybe there are… hmm…
I don't want to talk about this last one. Seriously. Because I hardly do it. I read somewhere that you should unplugged your electronics even after you've switched them off. I honestly will admit, I am guilty of not unplugging my lappy. The most I did was shutting it down. That's it. And most of the time, I just hibernate my laptop. Guilty as charged. You can save a lot from your electric bills just from shutting/hibernate (cause when you hibernate, you can unplug it :D) AND unplugging the electronics (like phone charger, lappie charger, PC power outlet etc etc).

I think we geeks should highlight point six. After spending 15 hours on ps2/xbox 360/wii/ ps3, we should UNPLUGGED the console. And computers shouldn't be left running 24/7. At least switch them off and UNPLUG it one hour a day. Phone/ipod/mp3/camera chargers shouldn't be left on power sockets. Done charging, unplug it. Dangling wires are not attractive either. I think if I actually did number 6 thru and thru, I can cut down our house bill by a fraction. Which is good \o/

Let's hope that I will actually do what I wrote here. Not just a one time ranting XD

This is the fourth post about the same shit.

2010-03-28T01:42:00.003+07:00

Oh god. I'm going psycho over this thing.

Wawawawa!

I just want to move on with it!! Why can't I???

(Cause rean, you need a proper closure) >.>

Ps: will I have a fifth post for this?

Redder than blood

2010-03-26T21:51:00.002+07:00

My world had been shaken yesterday. I felt terrible, and stupid. Terribly stupid, up to a point where I felt numb. I think I cried myself to sleep. It was so bad; I have trouble sleeping, combined with feeling nauseous.

Dumbed, and numbed, I stumbled into today. Spent entire morning playing games, and the entire afternoon finishing up Dan Brown's The Last Symbol (the book is boring, btw) when I'm supposed to be studying. Finally had the courage, and the strength to pick up my notes, and reread it. Thank you God, for the power breakdown, You're truly the All-Knowing.

That's when I read it.

And after reading it, my troubles were insignificant compared to the turmoil of this fellow friend. Hugs, dear friend. May you be well.

>.>;;

2010-03-25T18:28:00.001+07:00

whee

I am so stupid.

We is NOT SHEEPZ!

2010-03-25T09:01:00.003+07:00

Lmaowepwc COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT lolololol PIRACY wakakakakakkakaka INTERNET CENSORSHIP

When will they ever learn…

Three Strikes Law in France backfired LOL

It got me thinking

2010-03-22T19:05:00.002+07:00

For the past year, I have been wasting my life browsing the lowest site on the internet (I won't tell you the site, you'll know it if you know it, and if you don't, don't worry, you're not missing much. In fact, I can honestly tell you, you're not missing anything at all). They have discussions (stupidly discussed, but it still got me thinking) of atheism vs Christianity, and of course, why they hate Islam.

I bet all of you already know that Islam has been associated with terrorism since the past few decades. Not helping with the news of Abu Sayyaf, the Muslim vs Christian war in Aceh, Iraq's war, the never ending war in Palestine, Taliban in Afghanistan, so on and so forth. And get this, we're not only violent, but we are also associated with female degradation, and child bride issues. Hah! So much for the Prophet Muhammad's work to empower women. In the end, Muslims are said to be oppressing the female members of the society.

Why did all of these shits happening? Is Islam fundamentally wrong? Is the teachings of Islam are not applicable to the current world, ever changing and ever challenging? Or is it, the way of the muslims themselves interpreting Islam?

From my observations (and it's not much, sorry), it's not the teachings of Islam that are wrong. The best thing about Islam is, it's ever evolving, and it's not restrictive, at all (as long as you do no harm to yourself and the society, la). When the Church declared scientists as heretics, Islam embraced science, and encouraged it. And I really love this period of Islam. Not only had they had brilliant scientists when the west is in their dark age, these scientists themselves were well converse in the laws of Islam. They understand the world, and the Power behind it. And we've lost it, when the last of Muslim Empire fell during the WW1. Maybe earlier.

The muslims now, are just shadows of the past. Less than shadows even. They do not fully understand their own religion, and if they do, they twist it so that it suits their needs. Whoever heard of twisting religion to suit your own need? You did not just use religion to justify your way. Like the case of Saudi Arabia child bride. Wtf man! You were saying that if you did not marry that kid young (fucking 8 years old) it will collapse the whole social structure of your country? That's just plain bullshit! I understand that the unnecessary mingling between males and females is discouraged in Islam, and there are lots of ways you can do to prevent the unnecessary mingling. Not just marrying these kids young! And to some old men too! That is just wrong. That's like, selling your own daughter to a pedophile. It's just wrong. And don't try to counter it with Rasulullah marrying Aisyah when she's freaking 6 years old. It's a totally different time during Rasulullah's time, and at that time, children mature faster than they do now.

Don't get me started on virtuous killing, ie killing your daughter that has just been raped. Like fucking raped. Is it her fault that she's raped? She brought shame to your family by being raped? Do you think, that any sane woman would ask themselves to be raped? Even those sexy slutty girls are afraid of getting raped. They dressed up the way they do not because they want to be raped, it's because they think that it will give them confidence, and a boost of self esteem. Not because they secretly wanted to be raped. Do you guys even know that actually, females are supposed to be treated like queens and princesses? I bet you don't. That's what Rasulullah has been trying to teach us. Why do girls have to wear hijab? It's because they're above male. They're not objects to be stared at with gaping mouth, or make fun at. If they wanted to lose the hijab, let them. But you still have to treat them like the queens and princesses they are. Even when they're being slutty. Even then. Males are supposed to protect the females like knights sworn to protect the queens and princesses, not use females as what they see fit. And when they act bitchy, and you truly can't stand them, just leave. What kind of a man that hit a woman? Only losers do that. The sad part is, Rasulullah taught us to treat females as the royalty they are, but now, most muslim men treat females as third class citizens. It is sad.

Now on to the topic of insulting Islam. I love this part. It seems like Muslims are born with short fuse when it comes to insulting our religion. Cartoon of Rasulullah: KILL THE CARTOONIST! Saying Islam is a violent, outdated religion: KILL THE PERSON WHO SAID THAT! Questioning the logic behind the Islamic rules and regulation: WTF! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING?? YOU'RE MURTAD! Calm down fellow muslims! This is not how we deal with things that disagree with us! If you want to beat up every person that insults your religion or your religious icon, then sir, where is the peace in Islam? You're not willing to share the knowledge with outsiders, and when they misunderstood you, you raged. Can you blame them for misunderstanding, when it's really is your fault in the first place? You think Allah wants you to kill every infidel in the world? He did not created them just to be fuel for Hell. How many years Rasulullah endures insults and beatings before he starts fighting back? A lot of years! Not only he endures it, he was kind to every person, even those who insulted him. He's willing to forgive, and forget. And he even explains to them, what is he teaching, his revelation.

How many years have you guys spent spreading the words and teachings of Islam before you decided to pick up the sword and slays the infidel?

You're the one that's destroying Islam, and making it ugly. Not them.

Homesick

2010-03-21T18:04:00.002+07:00

Iunno why, but I have been having homesickness since the day I came back to Jogja.

It's like the worse homesickness evaarrr in the whole 2 years.

I feel like bawwing, and all I can think of, is going home. Yet, I've only been in Jogja for less than a week...

Stupid Rean.. T^T

Munya~ Munya~

2010-03-18T00:03:00.001+07:00

I want to see Al.

Good thing he doesn't know i haz a blog :D

Heartbroken

2010-03-07T20:48:00.002+07:00

Gone, just like that.

For 3 months I've waited, no news.

And I had to do what I have to do, asking to end this relationship. I was happy, for the short month we were together, I was happy. You, brought the smile back to me, and for once after a long time, I thought that every thing would be okay. That's what you told me too.

Everything will be okay, as long as we're together.

Sadly, it only lasted for 3 months.

But it's okay. I was happy those short time I'm with you.

I love you. I hope, you are okay, wherever you are.

Bromance

2009-12-29T22:49:00.003+07:00

Lately I have been hanging out with the boys for far too much...

well, it's not like it's something new, it's just that for the past few weeks, I've hanged out with guys more than girls...

For example, just two weeks ago, I went out to the beach with two guys... for what? Just to go and see the beach... SEE THE FREAKING BEACH! we didn't even swim in it! @_@

Then, sometime last week, I head out for some late night coffee with 4 other boys. at 12 am. and I came back home around 2... We sat at the coffee shop, playing poker, while watching a Liverpool game on tv. How pathetic...

And then..just now, i went to have some dim sum with a girl and 4 boys... GAH!!

>.>;;

sigh...

can't help it... growing up with two little brothers must've made me more comfortable around guys than girl... not to mention i was closer to my dad rather than to my mom :3

anyway...sleepy... zzzzz

...stupid net...

2009-12-29T15:30:00.001+07:00

...

I wrote a damn long entry... and it disappear when i wanted to publish it...

Now i don't feel like writing anymore...

Internet dramarama

2009-11-19T00:09:00.000+07:00

I HATE INTERNET DRAMA-RAMA!!

i hate dramas.

Bye Bye Anatomy~~

2009-10-19T00:06:00.003+07:00

I never thought that there will be a day that I'll miss anatomy classes. But here am I, thinking that the classes would last much longer.

*sigh*

Thank God I decided to take third week subject, instead of settling for sixth week forensic. It has been fun, and gave me a whole lot new experiences. Not many can say they've dissected bodies, eh?

And the classmates, you guys are such a sport! I'm going to miss our class together...

Plus Dr Juned is as cute as always.. xD

Our small Dissection class...
(with Dr Juned at the middle)

wtf??? what kind of face am I making??? x_X

And that wraps up our Anatomy class... FOREVER!!! Well, at least until we graduated from here.. XD

My Lil Brother Amir

2009-09-23T18:01:00.005+07:00

Amir on shy cousins:

"Dia ingat, duduk umah sebab nak putihkan kulit, hitam jek aku tengok!"
"You think that they'd stay at home to make their skin brighter, but they still as dark as ever!"

Amir on piggyback:

"Kak, encang aku kak... aku tau.. ko leh punya!"
"Sis, give me a piggyback, I know you're able to!"
He's 178cm and weighs 75 kg...

Amir on chores:

"Kak, mak suruh ko kira batu, pastu beras tu asingkan, 100 biji beras per mangkuk"
"Sis, mom asked to count the stones...and to separate the rice grains into bowls of 100s.."

Amir when asked where is he going:

"Aku nak pergi cucuk langit, lepas tu pergi mati, nak ikut?"
"I'm going to do the shuffle, then I'm going to die... do you want to follow me?"

"Aku nak gi berak...nak ikut?"
"I'm going to poop, want to join?"

Oh Amir....
*facepalms*

These are only a few examples of his smart-assery... >.>

And he's only 14...

raaaaaage: real rage

2009-09-19T13:02:00.002+07:00

Some Malay guys have unreasonable expectant on women.
They expect their women to be beautiful, gentle, smart, assertive, obedient, will speak their own mind and willing to stroke their egos.

Oh, and not to mention, to have superhuman strength and stamina.

Basically a first class girl, when they themselves mostly are first class jerk and third rate men. >.>

Who in the right mind, would ask a full-time working woman, to do all the house chores after coming back from her work, cook, take care of the children, "layan" the husband and whatever shitload of work? Must be some madmen under the delusion that girls are robots that do not tire.

Dammit guys! Just because you think (think because I bet you never tried doing it) that you can do it, don't expect the girls to do it!

Okay, okay, not all guys are like that, you said. Yes, I agree... that's why I said, SOME MALAY GUYS! Why Malay guys? Because I grew up around Malays.. and I am a Malay, my friends are mostly Malays, and my brothers' friends are Malays too.

What makes you think that I'm capable of replacing the shitload heavy carpet while having to move around a fuck heavy love seat, a OMG-I-can't-believe-I've-got-to-move this sofa and a coffee table?

raaaaaage~

2009-09-19T12:21:00.000+07:00

His room is neater than mine.
DAMMIT!

This is not fair!!
T-T

Mitch and Cain: Part 4

2009-09-19T05:52:00.002+07:00

You sure are feisty. I can’t forget how you calmly punched the face of the girl who cornered you. It was funny as hell. The girls were getting on my nerves, and you conveniently “finished” them for me. They never messed with any girls seen talking with me anymore. Maybe they were afraid to continue the “little chat” with you. No wonders no guys wanted to make you his girlfriend. You’re too scary.

Heh. They’re just too stupid to see past your silence and scariness. For that I’m glad. Else I’d be fighting nails and teeth over you. Not that I mind any way. Then again, there were guys who liked you. All were given personal warning from me to steer clear from you. Those who didn’t, well, they get a special treatment from yours truly. So, sorry to break your little bubble of self-confidence of guys leaving you alone because of your so called feistiness. I’m the one who ordered them to do that. It was nice to see you alone, and it would be fantastic to see you walking with someone. But I want that someone to be me, not one of those useless bastards.

When you introduced yourself at me, I was shocked. I can’t believe that you knew me. I was really flattered that you were interested in me; it’s like having my love returned. Of course you didn’t know that yet. I made sure of that. That, and the fact that I had been watching you since the day you arrived at the college. I’m good at keeping up a front aren’t I? You never know that all the while you thought you were walking alone; I was there right behind of you.

Stalker, he definitely is a stalker. A certified one it seems. This means, he knew she was watching him all this while! Oh noes! Groaning, she buried her face into her pillow. Four years and he still can make her feel embarrassed.

Yeps, I knew you were watching. Like Silverchair said, the greatest view is watching you watched over me. Do you want to know what it made me feel? When I caught you staring at me, it made me feels like I can do anything and get away from it. That’s why I’m acting like a real jerk when you were around. I just knew you will forgive me and wrote it off as one of my antiques. Stupid isn’t it?

Speaking of sneaking looks, do you still draw when you’re extremely bored? Can you sing properly now? Do you still wear purple eyeliner? Or have you change to hideous yellow just to spite me?

Do you know that I really like watching you during class? You have so many reactions that it’s amazing that the lecturers never noticed you were distracted. Most of the time you’ll keep your head bowed so near to the table. That’s your “serious drawing position”. Somehow I managed to take a look into your note books. Then the head-on-hand style, with your right hand frantically writing something. To others, maybe you look like you’re listening tentatively. But I know better, you were writing whatever song lyrics that suited your moods, or captions of your current emotions.

Douchebag in Ramadhan

2009-09-11T02:57:00.002+07:00

I went to the immigration office yesterday after exam to settle my ERP (exit-reentry permit). Don't ask me why I have to do that.. each and every time before I fly back home. That, and Free-Fiscal application... >.>;;

Anyway, went there, fetch my passport, and I had to photocopy the latest ERP stamp in it. So I went to the photocopy shop at the office where they overcharge the service 5 times than what you can get outside (damn!), and there's this middle-aged lady photocopying in front of me. Being the good girl that I am.. I queued up behind her. Patiently, and quietly... she had so much trouble photocopying a lot of documents.

Then suddenly a guy came, and FUCKING CUT MY QUE!! It was a hot afternoon, and I've just finish my exam. My heels are hurting me, and I want no more than just photocopy a page, and go home. And this fucking douchebag had to cut my que, and photocopied 4 copies of 4 documents. Plus he didnt even have enough change to pay for it. Damn it!

I was so furious, that I went straight back to the parking lot after submitting my copied ERP. Then I realized that Jern was at the office too.... ARGH! ;_____;

Sunday Morning

2009-09-05T21:24:00.000+07:00

Sunday morning at 8
Blankets all over me as I sprawled in my bed
Sun rays hit me right in the face
Irritated, I pull my blanket over my head
Unproductive, lazy day I intended to sleep
All day long

The beep of my phone
Pulled me out of slumber land as I crawled towards it
Just another message from the service provider
Frustrated, I cursed them for wasting my time
Hazy, sleepy day I do not want to do anything
All day long

So I went back into my dreams
Where I’m the king and villain at the same time
Real and imaginary characters overlapping
As I sit and lick my strawberry ice cream in front of
The TV

Before I knew it
My grumbling stomach woke me up
And I realize
“Shit! It’s 6 pm!”

Anti-Malaysia Sentiment

2009-09-01T18:11:00.003+07:00

Yesterday I posted about there's no anti-Malaysia sentiment movement in Jogja.
Well friends, I stand corrected.

This morning, there was a demonstration by students from Politic Social Faculty. With the same haet message: Malingsia.

Wtf man!

Of course we share a lot of similar culture! We are urm.. what is serumpun in English? XD
But that was aaaaaaaaaaaages ago! A lot of Javanese migrated here, not to mention Bugis, Malays from Sumatera, lalalaa~

But the students from Politic Social, well guys, your demo is one day too late. You're supposed to do it yesterday, during our Independence Day... guess you're never really that alert to things that don't revolve around you, huh? And you call yourself Politic students? tsk tsk tsk...

Petty~

Gone

2009-09-01T06:35:00.001+07:00

My stomach lurched when you said you were going away....
And you're already so far away to begin with....

*sigh*

MERDEKA!

2009-09-01T05:18:00.002+07:00

Sentimen anti-Malaysia?
Entah. Kat Jogja takde plak.... XD.

We were never been denied(?) to celebrate Independence Day. In fact, every 31st August, we will hold a celebration in campus. Maybe not as huge ass as it is in back home, but yeah we hung Malaysian flag, sang Negaraku and all other patriotic songs....

And had the juniors to perform for us. Which for me, is the best part. Hehe, all those silly acts from the juniors XD

this year we had a short sketch, a musical, a fashion show, and another one is undefinable >.>;;

and i had this cute junior sitting next to me during the performances, going thru his audio/video arrangement with me...
(his name is Jack btw, Captain Jack Sparrow >.>;;)

Anti-Malaysia? only present during futsal/basketball match against us... and used by retarded students only. the cool ones don't even bother~

Jin

2009-08-27T05:37:00.000+07:00

I went to see you today
Just to confirmed what I felt yesterday
And the days before

I sensed changes in you
But I refused to believe my eyes
Deluding myself with petty illusions

I’m afraid to look at you directly
Because I don’t want to know
What exactly you’re thinking

What signs you gave
I would not understand
Or is it just because I do not want to?

Please don’t leave me
I would not beg directly
I’m too proud for it

Love me unconditionally
I will not ask for it
I don’t think I deserve it

I tried my antiques today
But they didn’t have the same effects
As they did yesterday

Have you really gone far?
Have you really left me?
Have I no meaning for you anymore?

Yet in my heart I know
The answers to my questions
Even if I denied them

The truth I do not want to see
The past I wanted to stay
The future I cannot escape

It’s eating me inside out
Even so, I can't let you go.

utterly hopeless

2009-08-25T18:52:00.001+07:00

A heart flutter
My stomach flip
I got this funny feeling
Every time I say your name
Tell me
What is it?

Ramadhan

2009-08-22T09:19:00.000+07:00

Yep, Ramadhan is here~

Marhaban ya Ramadhan..

Selamat Berpuasa to all muslims..

don't ever skip your fast without any legal reason.. XD

Shattered Windows

2009-08-20T04:07:00.000+07:00

Shattered windows
Stared back at me
Pieces of me reflected
On the broken glass
Broken light, color spins
Reaching out I could almost feel
The warmth
Of the sun, laughing
I gather my courage
And walked out the gloomy room
Through the shattered windows

Book Review: The Kite-Runner

2009-08-16T09:52:00.007+07:00

Wao~
It has been ages since I've done a book review.....
So, here it is, a review on Khaled Hosseini's The Kite-Runner
I was so touched by the book, I made short notes/poems/things based on how I feel about it

All hail the new style (and probably I won't do it again) of orange review~

you know you like it~ XD
and actually, I've read and done the review since last year...--''

The Kite-Runner
Author: Khaled Hosseini
Publisher: Riverhead; Later Printing edition (January 1, 2005)
Language: English
ISBN: 1-57322-245-3 (first edition, hardcover)
ASIN: B001OLU13K

You and I, we were inseparable
You were the better half of me, the source of my envy
You love me unconditionally and for me,
A thousand times over

You died for me. Like you said you would
But I don’t think I deserved such loyalty.

I know I wronged you
It haunts my dreams
For 20 years I tried to forget you
But you, you still love me

“You were too hard on yourself, you were just a kid”
No, I wasn’t. I could’ve done something.
He has done so much for me

Regrets, how I wish I stood up for you

“I love you, but you steal him from me!”

All those darken nights
All those frightful dreams
All those regretful feeling
All those painful thoughts
Are now gone
Thank you, for forgiving me

As the sky filled with bright colored kites
Shadows lifted from my heart, from my soul
Suddenly nothing else mattered
Cause finally, I’m with you

For you, a thousand times over………….

(All are written based on Amir's feelings on Hassan, his bestfriend)

picture from http://www.sfugradsociety.ca/

the words he said

2009-08-16T09:34:00.002+07:00

I trust you and you trust me, I know that you are smart and I know you are going to make good decisions, so you do whatever you want to do.

you've made me happy, thank you :)

Word Jumbo Sales

2009-08-15T23:27:00.001+07:00

Today, I’m going to post random things I found in my sketch book. Most of them will not make any sense and I suspect, 90% of them were left hanging by yours truly…

Enjoy~

We are fated to be enemies
Both are on the other side of destiny
Our meeting will bring destruction
To us and the world around

And yet, I can’t stop my heart from loving you

- inspired by Sugar Sugar Rune

I am lost without you
How am I supposed to live without you
Would I betray you if I love somebody else?

- Inspired by life events

You are the epitome of perfection
I wish you’re dead

- My wishful thinking…

This is a set of three

1. And I carved your face
In stone
Just to smash it to smithereens

2. Will it satisfy me to carve out my heart and burn it to ashes?

3. How many times do I have to cut myself just to see it bleed?

All of these are separates, unless otherwise stated

I poured all my dreams in you
When it’s over, I felt blissfully empty

There’s no life worth dying for
If I found it, I’ll gladly gave my soul for it

I hide myself for fame
But it consumed me
I can’t see myself without the other

Bored
I think boredom
Will one day
Finally kill me

You haunt my being
Everything I do, reminds me of you
I can’t even start anew
Somehow, loving you
Destroys me too
Until now, I still chase after you
- Inspired by d.n.j.h

Never you, always me

And I’ll gladly give my love to something
That will not break my heart
- L’Arc~en~Ciel-centric…

darkness consumed me, hence inspired all these words...

From My Window

2009-08-15T23:03:00.000+07:00

I looked outside, through my window

Through the curtain

Bars

And glass

Straight ahead there’s a wall

A small tended garden

And my neighbor’s roof.

The sun is shining

Outside

From my window

But in my room

It’s as dark as night

Mitch and Cain: Part 3

2009-08-14T04:35:00.003+07:00

Cain had always piqued her interest. He was friendly with boys and girls alike, joking with them all the time. There’s always smile on his face. However, there’s something about him that made her think there’s more to Cain than just a class clown. Okay, a class-clown with very cute face. With his charming grin and boyish face, plus his dare-devil bad boy way, it’s little wonder that Cain had unintentionally gained an array of fans. Since he treated them all nicely, his unofficial fan club only grew bigger day by day. Sadly, that made Cain off-limits to the girls.

Never one with the crowd, somehow the social rules weren’t implied on Mitch. No matter how outrageous her doings, she always got away without a scrape. Unintentionally, she kept under the radar, and when caught, she always looked so guilty, people just let her go. So when she approached Cain, none of the girls from the fan club gave her their famous “warning”.

She wished. Cain’s fan club members weren’t as forgiving as others. She was cornered after class the day she introduced herself to him. Surrounded by ten menacing looking girls, it did not scare her one bit. Disinterestedly, she stared off towards the scenery behind the girls while thinking of dinner. One girl broke the silence.

“Why did you approach Cain? Don’t you know he belongs to us?”

Inspecting her nails now, she purposefully ignored the question. Talking to herself, she walked out of the ring of girls, oblivious to the angry expressions. Two steps, and her bag was yanked by one of the girls. Taking off the earphone at her left ear, she turned deliberately toward the bag-puller.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you. Let go of my bag”

Naturally the puller refused, and yanked her bag harder.

“You know, they left me alone for a reason. And this bag is one of a kind. You can’t find it in stores anymore”

She wouldn’t budge. Her friends moved to close on Mitch once again. Sighing, she shrugged off her bag and sat cross-legged on the floor. Ten girls cowered over her, all with murder in her eyes. Mitch shook her head; these girls definitely do not know who they are messing with. She stood up again, dusted the sand off her back and spoke.

“Dudes, give me some space will you? I’m claustrophobic okay?”

That line made the girls closing tighter around Mitch. Smirking, they were making life as difficult as possible for Mitch. They thought they were doing rather great, since making life difficult was their specialty. But not today, today their world is going to be a bit different.

One of the girls started jabbing her fingers at Mitch. Instantaneously, ten fingers were poking her with varying speed and intensity. At the same time, they were yelling simultaneously at her. The jabbing soon turned to pushing, and Mitch was pushed around like an unwanted kitty. The yelling got worse, sentences spoken without stopping. Still Mitch let them, keeping her silence. Fervently she wished for a witness. When she was pushed against the wall, her prayers were answered. She got her witness.

A guy accidentally saw the little scene during his aimless stray. Letting the girls messed around with her a little bit more, Mitch managed to look like a victim in the little affair. After the guy left to call a teacher (the guys knew better than meddling with girls’ affairs), she punched the face of one of her tormentors.

The punched-out girl staggered back. Other girls gasped. Gingerly picking her bag that was left lying, Mitch spoke to the group:

“That is the main reason why the girls left me alone, and boys don’t affect me at all. Sorry dudes, you guys were no match for me. And as for Cain, I pity him for having you guys as his fans. He’s a good guy, and you manage to make him look bad. Too bad that doesn’t make me want to leave him alone. So if you want to continue our little chat, feel free to corner me again tomorrow, okay?”

With that, she walked out of the scene, just in time as the guy arrived with a teacher. Popping on her earphone back, she turned up the volume and sang along with the song from her mp3 player. She never noticed another person watching her from behind the wall. Nor did she notice the evil way he was grinning.

holidays and new semester

2009-08-10T11:41:00.003+07:00

fyuhh!

One week had passed since I officially became a fourth year. FOURTH FREAKING YEAR??

It seems like yesterday, when i first arrived to Jogja. and i can still vividly remember the "horrors" of orientation week.

The Bali trip, my dad's sickness and his death, the terrible break-up, my crushes on two guys at the same time, PKPMI-CY projects, sienkrutz formation.....

All the time just flies... and before I know it, I'm gonna be 23 this year, and I'm a super senior...

and that, sounds OLD. -_-;;

Few things happened during the holiday season:

i went to Kota Kinabalu with Aisyah
shopping
Went to JB to see Aisyah
Went to Singapore with Aisyah
Hangout with Anet, Raje, Achot, Kuzi, Jet, Alia and Ros
I met Zul's girlfriend, Ida
and spent hours on irc...
i even volunteered to be a cleaner of a scanlation group, shi-ki~

and now, i'm so over Jern. hahaha! XD
one week has passed, and i've just started working on my proposal. haish~ XD
but i think, i'm gonna be stronger this semester, no more depressed episodes, no more thoughts of quitting, no more self-belittling. because they say, that love, is a very powerful thing, and i'm lucky i have it at my side.

I know now, that I'm not alone~

Cake-baking~

2009-07-10T18:14:00.003+07:00

I baked a cake today.
it's called, Chocolate Orange Cake without Eggs.
or something like that.
basically, chocolate cake, with orange juice and without eggs inside.

here's the pic..

well... it doesn't look too yummy, does it?
i don't really cook, and this is my third attempt on baking.
hahaha!

i'll try something else, later~

Home sweet home~

2009-07-08T11:55:00.003+07:00

I'm already back in Malaysia for 8 days.
And still haven't gone anywhere, except to the malls in Banda Hilir.
Since I'm out most of the time in Jogja, staying cooped up in my house really strained my patience.
I have no transport, my mom gives me curfews, and I had to wait up for my little brother to come back before I can go anywhere. By the time he reached home, half of the day is already gone...

But its all still good. For one thing, I can cut down my spending. Meaning, I only buy things that I need, without having to pay for food and transport. Oh yeah, my younger brother is my chauffeur~

My mom had this penchant of keeping me at home. I mean, she reluctantly allows me to go out, even when she's not around. What a girl supposed to do home alone? Doing house works? Dream on! Not me! So I spent time in front of the pc (thank god for the internet!), playing games, watching teevo and sleeping.... hemm... the routine looks similar when I'm in Jogja, isn't it? XD

Anyway, can't wait for Friday to come~
Aisyah will be here, and on Saturday, we'll both go to KLIA together to catch a plane to Kota Kinabalu!!

OMG!! I'm so excited!!!!

Waterfall~

2009-07-05T08:37:00.006+07:00

I really need to stop hanging out with my hang out buddy...
He’s a bad influence.

Last Friday (26 June 2009), a day after our block 18 exam, he asked me to go to Solo with him. I said ok. I’m bored, and the ride only took 1 hour from Jogja. But since I’m kinda broke, I told him that he’ll have to pay for the fuel, and I’ll pay for the food. So, okayla… Not much spending on my part.

The last time we went to Solo, he told me that he wants to visit a place called Tawangmangu, only at that time I heard it as Taman Mangu (okay… they sound similar). What’s in Taman Mangu, I asked. He said that it’s similar to Kaliurang (it’s kinda like Cameron Highland, minus the veggies and flowers). Oh, then there’s ride to the top without any walking needed. I don’t mind much, if there’s no walking involve. My calves ached from 2-hour straight swimming. Besides, I’m not the one who’s driving my trusted blue Suzuki Spin 125 cc whim I called Ken. He’s the one. I just had to sit at the back and enjoy the scenery, and singing along to my mp3 player.

Or so I thought.

Not only the ride took around 2 hours, which was when we arrived to TaWANGmangu (I figured out what it called after reading the signboards), plus he didn’t know where the hell is that place. We had to rely on signboards (that’s like chipsmore cookies, now it’s there, now it’s gone…) and instinct. Then suddenly he said he wanted to go to a waterfall that’s there. I was like, okaayyy…

Waterfall = walking

NOOOO!! I didn’t agree to this!

After Friday prayer (my first Friday prayer ever), we went to that waterfall, Grojongan Sewu (that name is so Javanese, there’s no mistaking where the hell are we).

First thought, HELL! It's gonna be a long walk down...

and I'm correct.

It was a long, winding road, infested with MONKEYS!!! Do becareful, don't ever, ever do anything stupid like feeding the monkeys....

Then we saw the waterfall... suddenly I think, it was worth the walk... (it's not that far, really, around 5 minutes walk.. XD)

We spend some time exploring the area...

yeah, yeah.. pose bajet cute...

monkey-infested bridge...

I took this picture behind a professional photographer.. kira aku curik angle dia la neh.. XD

kalau tengok betul-betul, ada orang dating kat situ.. hahaha~

let's go home...

After the waterfall, we went to Solo Square.. then dinner at Sego Penyetan near Depok Sports Center with JERN!!! (three of us... there's no way Jern's going to have dinner with only me... haihh..)

Arrived home around 9pm... so much for being able to be back before maghrib la kann~

AAAAAAAAAAA!!!

2009-06-09T08:01:00.000+07:00

Esok exam Anatomy!!!!

FTW!

It needs to stop

2009-06-06T00:58:00.004+07:00

I cant take it anymore, this thing.

It will break me, sooner or later, I know.

This feeling, will be canned, and burned.

Bye bye.

Three years is long enough.

hup. Emo time is over. I'm back in business. All those nonsense of quitting, is now over...

I will follow this thing until it's through. Until it's over.

There will only be one answer, Success, or Squashed.

and I WILL prevail.

It was like a waltz, mysterious....

2009-06-01T05:03:00.005+07:00

Confession: I am a hopeless romantic. I watched too many romance anime, and I read too many romance novel (though I only own a few, I sponged the rest off Erica and Farina.. LOL!).

Now I'm watching Honey and Clover. I know, I know, I'm like 4-5 years late off the anime, but what the hell!!

sweet giler!!!

Reread Tenshi Nanka Janai (I'm Not an Angel) a few days ago. No matter how many times I read it, Akira/Midori never fails to touch my heart... huaaa~~ I so want a boyfriend like Akira!! Ren pun okay gak, cause he's funneh... XD. But I don't want Koizumi George cause he's a manwhore. XD

oh yeahh!! balik rumah, nak cari lagi anime jiwang yang best.. and maybe truly follow NANA. And I want to listen to Laruku (the father band of all jiwangness) and X-JAPAN (the founder of japanese jiwangness) all day long~

cepatla cuti....

//Nee, nandakke sagashiteita mono?//
//Hey, what was it that we were looking for again?//

-Waltz, Suneohair
Hachimitsu to Kurova
Honey and Clover

Hiks!

2009-05-19T21:55:00.000+07:00

I am soooo tired.
Current block: Neurology and Psychiatry..

We have classes from 7am - 4pm nonstop almost daily.... with labs in between...

Like today, I had tutorial at 8-10, then 2 hours of lectures, skills lab for another two hours, and then lectures until 4.

Similar schedule yesterday, with Pharmaco lab at 8. Tomorrow will be the same. but i decided to be the bad girl and skipped the 7am lecture... I'll only come at 10 am... huhu..

Right now, I feel like a jell-o. halp!

Jumpa So7 lagi!!

2009-05-10T03:25:00.014+07:00

Aku gi konsert Sheila On 7 malam tadi.

Birthday bash diorang yang ke 13. Honestly, I’m not really into SO7. I listen to them only because Aisyah does… Album diorang yang aku gila-gila tahu pun album kedua, Kisah Klasik tu.. 07 Des, bolehla sket2.. tapi latest two albums ni… tatau langsung! Nama je duk kat Jogja, kota So7.. tapi tak dengar. Wahahahhaha!!!

Anyways, aku tau pasal konsert ni sebab status NK…

NK ngan aku.. jari aku cover flash.. bodow! XD

biasala.. dia kan BIG FAN So7.. sampaikan Duta personally wish dia birthday… wakakaka! So, dah tau.. mestila aku gedik nak gi… lagipun arini kan cuti, esok pun cuti, exam baru habis, scholar baru masuk… makcik kayoo!!!! Huhu~ Maka, aku pun mengajaklaaa hangout buddies aku, Encik Jernih *clap clap clap* dan Encik Zul *silence….* untuk temankan aku gi…

hoho... orang-orang yang gi gig ngan aku... zul, balvin ngan jern...

Nak gi concert semangat giler! Aku sampai beli t-shirt untuk derang sain! Hohoho!! Aku ngan Zul kuar dinner dlu.. memula nak gi makan kat Nanamia, tapi penuh plak (plus pizza derang abis)... pindah ke PizzaHut.. penuh gak.. alih-alih makan kat 3 Nyonya plak... terbang duit aku... isk.... T_T

Pkul 9 malam dah ada dah kat Inna Garuda. Konsert start pkul 10 malam. Kan bagus aku datang lecture macam tu? Wahhahaha! Tapi tiket counter bukak awal.. aku rasa dalam pkul 9:30 tu, kitorang dah kat dalam Republic dah (Republic tu kat Hotel Inna Garuda). Jern belikan tiket, mestila dia tak belanja... tiket dalam Rp25 000... murah weii!! Cuba bahagi 3... dalam RM8 lebih jekk!! Hua hua hua!!!! Yang lawaknye, takde tiket.. derang tulis tiket untuk brapa orang tu kat kertas order.. lawak giler! Aku rasa Jern simpan kot kertas tu... nanti aku tanya dia...

derang cap tangan... tanda dah beli tiket.. rasa macam gi theme park plak! btw, kat Malaysia still buat cam ni ke? tak kan?

Pkul 10, ada opening band, band Kanda.. aku tak pernah dengar.. but then again, aku mana dengar band2 dari Indonesia neh! Hahaha , so memang aku takleh pakai… tapi derang baru release satu album.. dan dua single… boleh tahan gak arr band neh.. semua ahli bandnye comel-comel belaka.. almaklumlah.. adik-beradik! Hahahaha! Aku saspek gitaris ngan basis dia kembar… sebab muka serupa… XD

Kanda Band.. comel weyh vocalist dia!

Aku kat dalam tu.. dah panas dah… mana taknye, ramai orang, tolak-tolak lagi.. wohooo! Macam mana aku leh tahan pun aku tatau.. hoooo... anyway, pas Kanda Band tu, ada DJ perform.. DJ pe ntah.. aku tak dengar. Waha! But before that ada bagi free cd.. biasala aku.. malas nak berebut.. so tak dapat… free cds after DJ tu pun aku malas nak amik.. hahaha!

And then… Sheila On 7 keluar… all hell breaks lose!! Pushing, screaming… hoho! Aku dari 4th row, ntah macam mana, aku ikut Aida, boleh sampai front freaking stage! Aku kat DEPAN STAGE AND DUTA DEPAN MATA AKU SAMPAI BOLEH PEGANG!!! o_O.

muka Duta yang poyo.. LOL!

Tapi memang kena tolak, siku, rambut dan segala macamla... urgh. Dan majority budak yang gi concert malam tadi, bebudak sekolah. Aku tataula derang ni tau adat concert ke tak, tapi boleh plak mintak nak balik tempat derang berdiri tadi pas derang kuar.

Duta ngan Eross... Ngaha!!

Hello, ni dahlah takde seat, berasak-asak, ko bleh plak nak mintak orang bagi tempat ko diri balik? Nak gerak macam mana bai? Lepas tu plak, boleh plak marah-marah aku menyelit. Haha, kalau tak reti maintain tempat sendiri, pegila duk belakang! Banyak space and takde orang tolak... cakap pasal budak-budak pempuan yang menolak untuk duk depan neh.... dahlah tak reti maintain tempat sendiri (aku dah bebel pasal tu), pastu tak reti-reti plak nak jaga diri... Boleh pulak pas dah sampai depan, tak tahan panas and kena tolak, bukannye nak ke belakang (yang lebih lapang) boleh plak stay situ... THEN PENGSAN. Fuck.

Sebab ada orang pengsan, concert So7 kena cut short. Derang sempat main lagu dari first, second and third album jek…. The last two tak dapat.. bodoh bangang punya budak-budak! Total pengsan: 5 orang. Siap ada yang shock lagi. Haihhh….

Tapi, Duta memang cool. Bila derang diberitahu kena hentikan performance, dia nego dlu, siap nak buat akustik lagi kat luar! Too bad management tak bagi…uuuu…. Tapi kan… Duta tu… lawak giler!! Aksi dia on stage.. memang priceless! Dia melompat, buat muka bongok, gaya-gaya lawak… oh! Best!! Hahaha! Siap salin baju on stage lagi! W00t!!!

duta yang salin baju atas stage sambil korek hidung...-_-;;

Lepas gig tu, kitorang gi carik Duta kat luar.. nak mintak AUTOGRAPH!! Hahaha! Aku dapat dari Duta, Adam ngan Brian.. Eross… Eross takde! NK cakap, dia memang tak kuar jumpa fans pas gig/concert… sebab fans banyak molest dia.. hohoho! Kesian Eross… Kitorang bergambar arr ngan Duta! W00t! Dan, oleh sebab aku ni orang yang gedik… aku gi mintak tandatangan ISTERI DUTA!!!!! Hahahahahhaha!!!

Aida sebab kasut dia patah, dia mintak Duta sain kasut dia.. sungguh tidak boleh belah! Setelah tamat sesi sain-menyain, gambar...

ye, ye... zul ngan jern.. aku tak amik gambar ngan duta malam tadi..

dan pas dengar citer Dikky pasal budak shock, aku ajak Jern n Zul gi lepak jap.. so kitorang pun gi arr McD.. sebelum balik umah...

By the way... AKU BUSUK GILER PAS GIG TU! Argh!!!!

How to not feel guilty for not studying during exam time

2009-05-02T17:09:00.000+07:00

This always happens to me. It is during week 6 that I usually have tons of (unimportant) things to do, and frequent long dinners. Just to escape the fact that I still haven’t finished reading my (tons of) notes or do any of the (stacks of) past years. Tonight, I’m planning to watch X-Men Origin while knowing fully that my paper will be on fakken Tuesday at 10 am.

WTF!!!

Okay. So here are a few tips I made to not feel guilty for watching movie tonight.

Study at least one lecture before going out.
Convince yourself that you deserve this movie (plus long dinner) because you had just finished the stupid Pathology Anatomy exam.
Try and do at least 10 questions from the past year.
Do not discuss about exam with friends while out.
Promise self to study non-stop for the next three days. No long lunch, and a long dinner is a definite no-no.
Last but not least, never ever forget you still have exam on Tuesday. Just in case tonight fun drags to tomorrow and the day after….

Actually, I rarely feel guilty for not studying... hahaha! But since I promised myself to take third year very seriously, I’m trying to feel guilty for not studying…not guiltyla.. more like PANICKING!

So, any other additions for my list?

Exam wave~

2009-04-30T17:09:00.001+07:00

Exam in less than a week away..
I still haven't finish my notes...
Nor have I started doing any of the past years....

Somehow, I don't feel motivated to even study for this block..
Why oh why obstetric-gynecology can be this boring....

I need to pull myself up and do it. Whether I like it or not.

Nak Tulis Sesuatu, Tapi Tiada Idea...

2009-04-26T06:25:00.002+07:00

Hem..
I really want to blog about something, anything, but currently I have absolutely nothing to rant. Too happy maybe?

Nah, not possible. My anatomy exam sucked (I’m hoping to pass…), my block exam is only two weeks from now, I still haven’t done my thesis proposal, I’m going to do thesis experiment tomorrow, I always have shortage of money, my best friend is far away from me (and most probably I couldn’t even see her this year), I have to look for a new hang out buddy (because the current one already had a girlfriend, so.. yeah…), and I don’t even have a boyfriend (okay, that’s not related).

But, still, I have nothing to write. For all the “misery” I’m experiencing, the "emotional roller coaster", the "heartache", the "heartbreak", the "loneliness", the "misunderstanding"… (I’m exaggerating) it’s still not enough. Not enough to evoke any creative juices to flow from the crypts and creases of my brain.

Then again, for two days in a row, I’ve been having dinner with Jern. From stalking paparazzi-like, to sengih-sengih during class, to raking my brain of what to say to him, now I’m upgrading to HANGING OUT with him. Yeahhh!!! Is that a progress or what!! HAHAHAHAHHA! (Sorry Payal, am I breaching the contract or something?) Haih… still nothing to write… except (prepare to puke guys! Mushy contents ahead!) “Waaa! Jern cute giler!” “He’s absolutely gorgeous!” “Woot! Sangat macho time main futsal!” “Aaaaa! Comellll!!!!”

Jern, trying out his new cardigan(?)

Ok. Enough.

Now I’m totally having writer’s block. Argh!

Hitoiro - One Color

2009-04-24T23:43:00.001+07:00

Another single flower petal is torn off
And I don't have the power to stop the wind
As you break down crying on the far shore
This is the least I can give you in parting
You can forget the promise we made that day

How can a love that was just a step too late
Tear everything apart like this?
Once again the stardust flows
And I don't have the power to stop time
Say a prayer, you only need one
It's okay to wish for your own happiness

We allowed pain of the same color
While condemning mistakes of a different color
We lit fires of the same color
While hiding doors of a different color

Now a faded flower scatters for you
Now a faded star scatters for you
In your dreams, good night

How can a spoonful of love that got left out
Ruin everything like this?
On the street corner, it looks like another squall will hit
And I don't have an umbrella to guard my wounds
Find the exit, you only need one
It's okay to search for your own happiness

We beat rhythms of the same color
While silencing footsteps of a different color
We painted scenery of the same color
While shutting away seasons of a different color

Now a faded night scatters for you
Now a colored morning comes for you
In your dreams, good night

Sweet dreams, baby
Sweet dreams, baby

If someday we meet somewhere again
Will we be able to try again? Is there anything left?
Time's about to overtake us, but we can't reset it
Don't cry, kindness isn't weakness

We allowed pain of the same color
While condemning mistakes of a different color
We lit fires of the same color
While hiding doors of a different color

Now a colored flower blooms for you
Now a colored star falls for you
In your dreams, good night
Sweet dreams, baby
Sweet dreams, baby

Song: Hitoiro by Nakashima Mika
Translation by Megchan [www.megchan.com]

Saje layan jiwang memalam ni… hehe… Lagipun lagu ni pasal persahabatan, bukan pasal boyfriend pun~
Lalalalala~

The Pogung Ballad: Part 3

2009-04-20T22:34:00.004+07:00

Remember this guy?

this picture is already 3 years old.... this was during our first year...

I once likened him to Takuya of UVERworld. ( please refer to this post)

and yeah, he's the guy who is happily married now.

the happily married couple

This is his wife, Sari. I have to edit the picture because Luqman said not to post any pictures that show his wife's face. The bad editing is due to me, being me (update blog sambil buat PA... sungguh tidak sedar diri saya ini!).
Sari is still in high school. Oh yeahh... this is my favorite gossip of the month!!! Luqman marrying a high school girl!! HAHAHAHAHA!!! yeah, I'm Evilina.... |||(-_-)

I first met Sari during batch project pool session. The first think that came to my mind was, "OMG, this girl is damn hot!!!". Then I met her again during the band jamming session. Being an awkward person, I didn't say much to her, except smile. Heck! I hardly speak to Luqman for more than 3 minutes! Then he married her.... I was shocked... there goes another cute guy... haih... lepas ni dah takleh ushar Luqman lagi... dia dah jadi suami orang...

I'm still digesting the news. Don't shock me more with news that Sari got pregnant okay!

Again, congratulations dude... sungguh sangat berani anda berkahwin pada usia sebegini muda (he's only 22... well, going to be 23 this year). Not to mention you are still studying..

semoga berbahagia hingga ke anak cucu, and hopefully you have a GREAT life together with her!!

ps: to all my friends that currently having boyfriends/girlfriends, I wanna ask, when are you guys getting married???

spent my money.....

2009-04-18T17:46:00.006+07:00

yeah, i just received my scholarship money yesterday.
and yeah, being me, i spent some of it on shoes and bags...

these are what i bought..

oh yeah, my partayyyy shoes...
They're 4-inches high.. and silver in color.
I successfully managed to wear it, just to figure out, that they are PAINFUL AS HELL!!! takleh pakai buat jalan-jalan.... isk... (shoes from chrysalis)

next, the biker bag! it's humongous, and it's squishy... notice the chain and the zips.. plus the black faux leather... my dream came true!!!! ahahahahhahaha! (bag from Hana)

this one, is a vivienne westwood argyle style look-alike. since i still can't afford the rm2000 vivienne westwood bag, so i settled for rp149 000 steal purse. haih.... (purse from spyderbilt)

hohoho! rocker style to the max!! anyway, congrats to Luqman and Sari for the wedding!! hehe... seriously tak sangka Luqman would be the first from our batch to get married... I always thought that he's a player by nature... (by the way, he's a cradle snatcher... his wife still haven't even finished high school yet... XD)

The Pogung Ballad: Part 2

2009-04-15T20:27:00.001+07:00

I moved out to a new house last February, with two housemates, Yasmin and Wannab. Our new house is situated in Pogung Dalangan, only 15 minutes walk to campus, but 10 minutes walk to main road... thank god for the bike!

Out of the three, I'm the oldest, followed by Wannab and Min.

And, in the matter of maturity (more like acting your age), Wannab wins. She's patient, responsible and focused on the task. Unlike me, who is easily distracted by anything, and not to mention easily bored... hahahaha!!!

The new house is nice, despite my room not having door handle on the inside (I managed to make it CRUMBLED, not broke it, mind you, crumbled it to pieces), Min's room leaked terribly (it's fixed, but still have occasional drops...), inaccessibility of internet (due to our "friendly" neighbor who refused to let the internet cable passed above his roof), and the permanently out bulb in the bathroom. I painted my room yellow and bright green, while Wannab and Min decided to paint the house (and their rooms ) purple and pink. Very girlish, and funky (my room is funky).

Since the rooms were bare when we arrived, we took the liberty to decorate it as we wish. A lot of thoughts, planning and sweating involved. Not to mention the money spent. I managed to get broke one month after I got my scholarship money. Argh. As usual, my room is full of anime posters, books and junks. No beds, just a thick springed mattress, two wardrobes, a study table, two racks (one is full of books, and the other is full of junks), a laundry basket, and the focus of the room, an acoustic GUITAR, which I hardly touched.

Our living room is bare minimum, we have couches, left by previous tenant I presume, which are old, dusty and torn here and there. A cute new fridge (cost us around Rp 1.3 million...) that is always full of weird stuff, my old tv, and a ps2 plus a DDR dance pad (the girls love it! They come to visit us, and danced to HSM songs...)

Then there's the garage cum ampaian (where we parked two scooters and a bike and hang our clothes, duh!), washing area, kitchen, and a small garden which is tended by someone (we suspected the house owner paid him because somehow she knew that we won't take good care of her garden). Yep, it's a nice house, just nicely fit us three (and we only have 3 bedrooms), even though it's a bit hidden and surrounded by bigger houses left, right, front and back...

Meanwhile, I got myself a new hangout buddy, Zul. After hanging out with him for around 2 months or more (or less), he got himself a girlfriend. Fantastic. And his girlfriend is currently staying in Malaysia. Just great. Now everytime I hang out with him, I'll feel guilty for going out with someone's boyfriend. Argh! I have to find a new hang out buddy, fast. Preferably someone who can ride a bike, have great sense of direction, not afraid of going out late at night, and has no problems in mindless riding. Anyone??

I still stalked Jern like a paparazzi stalked a celeb. But not as intense as before. Bored maybe?

Haih, I still have strong dislike over Pathology Anatomy. Help!

The Pogung Ballad

2009-04-12T19:38:00.002+07:00

The unmade bed and very messy room
Nice housemates and late night outings
A best friend with a girlfriend
Camera full of another

Dusty roads and scorching sun
People stare out of curiosity
Same words different meanings
I wanna go home

Some breaking up and another hooking up
And there’s a secret marriage going on
Too much latency it’s frustrating
Feels like screaming out

Cold and windy bright nights
Not a shop opens after 9
Sweating after practices
I’m not into futsal

4 hours-ride on bike to another city
Hanging out in boy’s room till late
A delicacy of home-cooked meals
Never have enough money

Dusty roads and scorching sun
People stare out of curiosity
Same words different meanings
I wanna go home

*So much had happened between the last proper post and now... so i just condensed it in one short poem. boleh ka? XD. I'll prolly explain about it in the next post.. (I hope)

stalking

2009-03-18T11:23:00.001+07:00

I'm currently trying to stalk a guy... whom i met for 5 minutes in two occasion..

i only managed to get his name right before he went off to malaysia and god knows where.

pathetic huh?

bored

2009-03-04T12:20:00.003+07:00

i feel like kicking my new BFF now.
ohh... dah ada awek skang tanak kawan ngan aku plakkk....
macam ni la kawan...

hahahahahahha!!!!

congratz dude for the girl. she's damn cute wei!

Maaf, Sorry, n Gomen

2009-02-17T08:08:00.002+07:00

Huhuhu!
I know it's been ages since I last updated my blog. SORRY. I have no internet connection at home (yes, home. Finally I rented a house with two other classmates), too broke to go to the cyber cafe, plus the computer lab in campus is always full with swarming juniors (HAHAHA!).

A lot had happened to me in the past two months, moving out, stepping up, getting new hangout friend, impulsive rides, batch projects......

Oh, this isn't my blog entry..
I still haven't had internet connection at home, so i'm just writing this to fend off raje of me.. HAHAHA!

I hope I can be online real soon...hiks..

Another Rant

2008-12-01T08:03:00.002+07:00

Another rant by my manga-induced mind.

I HATE KONGO AGON!

He's the epitome of bastard, jerk, and villain. Damn! Dia sungguh keji tahap MAX!

Announcement

2008-11-28T12:33:00.002+07:00

I'm going to be offline for a few days, due to I'm terminating my contract with my current ISP provider.

maybe i'll be online again tomorrow, maybe next week. I'm not sure, it all depends on how rajin am I on buying the internet cable.

so, don't worry if you see me offline, syah! XD

taking my mind off the exam

2008-11-24T22:07:00.003+07:00

Exam’s tomorrow. As a person who has trouble coping with stress, I did what I knew best, avoiding it.

One way of avoiding is having a good dinner at some far off place. Okay, it’s not that far, I’m just exaggerating. The dinner consists of sotong asam pedas, ikan bawal bakar and kangkung goreng. Sounds a lot, right? It is a lot, even for two ( I went with Intan).

Another way of running away from exam is by pondering over silly things. Like, why do condoms have various flavour. I saw a strawberry-flavoured Durex condom when I was paying for my candy. Talk about coincidence. Being a curious girl that I am, I proceeded to ask a good friend of mine on the mystery of flavoured condoms. He said that it’s for enhancing sexual pleasure, to mask the taste of latex during blowjobs. I said eww.

Yeah, I was feigning innocence. But it was fun asking those kinds of questions. It made me laugh when I read his replies on Y!M.

Hooo, yeah I’m evil.

To top of this sexual-laced entry, a Y!M status of a friend of mine,

“Hoh, *anonymous gila seks, x caye?tanye bdak yg len”

*name changed to protect privacy.

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!

StarCraft : Brood War

2008-11-23T23:17:00.002+07:00

StarCraft:Brood War is like my ultimate all time favourite computer game.

Too bad the last time I played it was back in '98/'99.

and I didn't even finish the game.

Damn those stupid viruses and being a real n00b back then!

Maybe I should just rent the cd and played it again...

hm...

Btw, when is the next StarCraft coming out? Or are they too busy with WarCraft now?

I am a nice girl

2008-11-21T14:40:00.017+07:00

I just realized this. The day after our futsal match, I was hanging out with the guys, waiting for the rain to stop. With nothing to do, no hot drinks let alone hot food, the guys gossiped. Oh how they gossip about everything, from the beauty of the Bandung girls, to when is the next post-mortem meeting. Then, come the girls’ futsal match analysis.

Before that, introduction about the (girl) futsal match, since I don’t give two-dimes about the guys match, even though Master J, Alex, Azree, Zouk, Kimi, Luqman, Aaron were playing. What I know about the guys games is, no matter what team they are in, let it be Jogja A, Jogja B or Jogja Senior, I just want them to win. Or at least qualified to semifinals (which none of them did. Gah!). Back to girls’ game, Jogja sent two teams, which were Jogja Senior (mostly the Rainbow Republic players) and Jogja Junior (that’s us! The Crazy Bananas!). First thing first, who’s bright idea to name the team as Senior and Junior? It’s not like all of the team members of Senior team are seniors and vice versa. And third years are consider as seniors ya know. Juniors are first and second years!

Jogja Juniors.

Jogja Seniors are in group A, and we’re in group B. Group A had two strongest girl futsal teams, Surabaya and Bandung teams. Why this arrangement? Let me let out a secret, Azree (our coach slash AJK Sukan) didn’t want us to meet strong teams in the group stage. That’s a bit unfair isn’t it? But he didn’t expect that Bali girl’s team was strong either. Haih… anyways, the Jogja Sr team is really, really strong. They managed to get a 0-0 tie with Bandung, and Surabaya (correct me if I’m wrong. My memory is a bit hazy). Not losing to champs!! How cool is that? *grins*

Back to the topic. Our team Jogja Jr managed to advance to semifinal, only to meet with the Bandung team. We’re so scared of Bandung. They’re mean, they’re aggressive, and they’re damn good. Plus, one of the players can actually dribble the ball. I know dribbling is the basic skill in football, but hey, we’re girls, we can afford not to dribble, right? Their way of playing it, do anything as long as you get the ball and score it. Even though it means pushing, tarik-tarik baju, and kicking the opponent’s shin. Heck, they nearly kicked our goalie in the face! Yet, I failed to show my mean streak of kicking and pushing and pulling. Why? Mainly because they didn't do that to me. Looking like you can eat all of them for breakfast is certainly helpful, you know. They didn't dare to mess with me. Sad part was, they messed with one of my teammates, by kicking her at the shin... the bengkakness was scary, and she almost cried because of it...

Hafiz Kelantan commented on our Jogja team (both Senior and Junior). He said that we’re pretty strong ourselves, since we managed to tie with Bandung (Sr) and lost 1-0 (Jr), since there was a team who lost 3-0 with the Bandung girls. The guys discussed that they should teach one of the girls to dribble since it will be a HUMONGOUS advantage for our team. However, he was shocked when I told him that the Bandung girls main tarik-tarik baju. He asked me why didn’t I kicked the star player of Bandung, since it will cripple them greatly, I said that:

“ Aku tak suka main sepak-sepak ni. Sangat tidak professional”

And he said,

“Tapi korang kalah gakkk”

DAYUMMM!!!

Despite of my bitching about Bandung team here, I cannot deny that they truly are a great team. They have good strategy, and endless stamina. They know that they’re weak on the defense, so they played aggressively, where they keep on attacking our side. They do know how to keep the game on their pace, their advantage, and that’s really cool. I mean, you cannot be the champion just by playing mean, can you?

Till we meet again Bandung, and at that time, we will prevail….

Last but not least....

Look, what I've found!! XD

Oiran/Courtesan

2008-11-18T22:48:00.001+07:00

Exam is next week, and I only read two lecture notes… *gasp*
Let’s ignore that fact friends…

So today I’m gonna express my love towards Shiina Ringo the “gureto”!
Currently, I’m in love with her song Oiran, which actually means courtesan/ upper-class prostitute. Don’t ask me why she named it that way; she’s just like that (like a song titled Yokushitsu/Bathroom… so just let it go).

The song started out with self-consciousness, as the girl stated the different in their status,

"I know I don’t quite measure up against you"

Which may means intellectually, socially or economically. And also she did say that their meeting was purely coincidental, a meeting arranged by fate

“The whole context in which we met was innocent”

She was thoroughly charmed by the guy, but it wasn’t her who called the shots, she played right into the guy’s arm (is this sentence correct? Herm..)

“Your charming ways deserve the blame for our time”
“It wasn’t me who led, your words spoke confidence”

Then the song progresses to the first bud of love, where she totally adore the smile on her lover’s face

“Like a flower in spring that blooms to life so radiant”

And also the first bit of possessiveness, where she wants to keep the guy only to herself

“Let it be only me forever since I want it more”
“Give it only to me please”

Come the chorus, where everything is all right as long as they are together. The world is beautiful when you’re in love.

“Moonlight showers down on you like flower blossoms”
“Somehow let me live this dream with you, endlessly”

Somehow, she suspected that she isn’t the only one in her lover’s life. The fact that she doesn’t really know him bothers her

“You hide your thoughts and shroud yourself in mystery”

But she can feel it, especially when he holds her near

“When you leaned against my shoulder I did notice it”

The mystery is driving her crazy, but whenever she asked him, he always managed to dodge the questions

“You’re quick and bright so pacify my complaints”

His sweet, gentle way makes it more difficult for her, and she felt like a monster for being jealous without any apparent reason

“Trapped in this room, suffocating in your niceties”
“I’m losing my mind to more fits of jealousy”

If not being treated as a princess will get her his heart, she’s willing to do that

“Come on right now, no need to treat me nice anymore”

However, it has reached a stage where she doesn’t trust herself to be with him anymore, because maybe she know that she will keep on hurting herself

“Somehow I want to hide myself somewhere away from you”

So all in all, the song is about falling in love and hurting oneself with one’s love. Like a prostitute’s love, where she knows that she will never get the man she love, even though he told her that she’s the only one. There will always be a nagging voice in her head that told her that she’s not the only one, and she knew absolutely nothing of her lover, maybe not even his real name.

A befitting title don’t you think?

something i did during lecture

2008-11-17T18:47:00.003+07:00

this is the original picture:

i cropped this out of the original

and this is what i have done:

haha..i butchered the picture a bit, okay... a lot!

i have no more words left to say

2008-11-16T23:01:00.002+07:00

dear you

sorry for not being able to be the perfect girl you want me to be.
i'm tired of trying to make you happy.
you will never be happy.
not with me, not with anybody else.
you're too busy to think about yourself and your reputation to even think of someone other than you.
i'm sick of your lies, sick of your endless complaints.
nothing will ever be perfect in your eyes, except you.
maybe you should marry yourself.
it must turn you on every time you look at the mirror, doesn't it?

fuck you, biatch!

yesterday's joke

2008-11-14T12:06:00.003+07:00

yesterday, Alex, Syazwan n me went to the dean's office to pick up an lcd projector, a megaphone and a screen. and this is what happened:

Wan: Pak, kami ini yg kemarin, mau ngambil barangnya.
Sir, we're the ones from yesterday, we're here to pick up the stuff.

Pak 1: Oh ya, ya! mas ini namanya siapa ya?
Oh yes! what's your name, young man?

Wan: Err... Wan, nama saya Wan.
Err... Wan, my name is Wan

Pak 1: Ha? Ah Wan??

(Alex and me were giggling here)

Wan: Bukan, bukan! Nama saya Syazwan, mcm yang di belakang ini!
No, no! My name is Syazwan, like written on the back!

(Syazwan had his name written on the back of his shirt)

Pak 1: Ohh!!! SYAHWAN ya??

MBUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!!

thank god that at least he got the last letter correct! else it'll be some other word!
XD

*courtesy of Alex*

yelaa! aku majokkk laa!!

haihhh

2008-11-12T18:01:00.004+07:00

aku accidentally rosakkan mp3 player jern time aku usha-usha function dia. time lecture....

model mp3 encik jernih, yeah, kaler hitam

SORRY SESANGAT!!!

new info: mp3 encik jern telah sembuh.
rupa-rupanya adalah gara2 virus....

ps: rasanya bakal sibuk...sampai hujung minggu ni...

loneliness

2008-11-03T22:23:00.003+07:00

i feel lonely.
i got friends.
but not a clique.
i need to be a part of clique. hiks

aihh...
maybe i just need another vacation
but maybe, i need to start to be part of the crowd,
instead of building an invisible cocoon around me.

living life

2008-11-01T09:06:00.004+07:00

lately i've been snapping pictures with ma new camera, olympus u850 SW.
and mostly, are junk pictures. plus, i've been dubbed as paparazzi (or mamarazzi) due to my tendency of snapping pictures of a classmate of mine.
apa leh buat..dia cute dalam gambar pe! XD XD

mr j yg sedang membuka beg

anyways, i'm supposed to be busy, but i'm too lazy to be busy.. daym..
keje berlambak, eg, the yearbook, the seminar, and of course my monthly writings for FIKIR.
yet i see me sleeping all day long, shopping, and do nothing. hahahaha!

ah well. all is well.

it's better to be too busy than having too much idle time in my hands.

too much time leads to too much thinking. and as i said before, too much thinking hurts me so.

until then guys!

happy (belated) birthday!

2008-10-25T00:07:00.007+07:00

my friends gave us october girls (Ida, Gaya and me) a birthday party.
it turns out to be a surprise on me.
hahahaha!

ida's name is missing

at first i thought azree had invited me for dinner, since lately, i've been having dinner with his housemates and him. but when i arrived at the Foodfest, i was quite shocked to see 15 of my friends around.

eagerly waiting in front of the cake

wowo!

the surprise was superb. and the cake delicious.

the celebrated birthday girl. even if today isn't my birthday. XD

thanks Mad for organizing it!
and to all October girls, happy birthday! XD

new layout, utp gamelan and open house

2008-10-19T17:26:00.007+07:00

i'm changing to this new layout.
because i'm already bored with the old one.
hahaha!

malas nak customize...
dah separuh hari try customizing, but it didn't turn out as i expected.
so i just used any template that i found in the web.

hence, this.

btw, the UTP Gamelan Troop came to visit us the past few days. they were supposed to join International Gamelan Festival (ye ke namanye dia neh?), that was supposedly held this week.
and being Indonesia, the host had to change the date TWICE. so kesianla the UTP students tak dapat join... yang Gamelan Fest tu next week. memang sakit hati giler!!

the troop and us

tapi, penatla layan diorang ni. they went all over the place. from FIB (Fakultas Ilmu Budaya), FoodFest, Malioboro, Amplaz, and that Balai Budaya Minomartani in god-knows-where. after a few days hanging out with them, i can conclude that if they have abundance of good food, karaoke system and a place to shop, they'll be very happy. sangat suka makan!

and today, sara nabiha's kos held an raya open house. best giler!! ada lontong, roti jala and must eat nasi lemak... kenyang aku makan free arini!! hahahahaha!! and the best part, everyone was wearing baju raya, i'm the few sesat ones who only wore jeans and t-shirt. alangkah!!

berhari raya...apesal blur gambar ni? sapa amik gambar ni?

Raya?

2008-10-13T22:02:00.004+07:00

I went back home for raya. Again. I’m studying overseas, and yet, I’ve been back home every raya ever since I entered the university. Cool isn’t it?
This year’s raya, I think was the funniest. Mainly because of our ever-growing family. My married cousins have at least a child of their own, and like what Arif said, he was shocked to see that “ semua orang keluarkan anak masing-masing”. Yeah, like Kak Ija has Nurin (the ever cute girl, who we can pass around like cookies) plus she’s pregnant with her second child, Kak Pija has Zafran who is too little to understand anything, Kak Ngah has Danish with his “pabob, pabob” (Spongebob), Kak Long Siti with Nana and Fakiha, Mak Busu is already 9months pregnant with her second child, so on and so forth. Too bad I didn’t manage to meet Kak Nor since she went back to her husband’s kampong this raya. I want to meet their fourth child, Fadli, in addition to Husna, Salwa and Fathi the vet.

I have 18 aunts and uncles, 32 cousins, and some of them are married with children (10 anak sedara..wee!)

We have HUMONGOUS family. I think. Hahaha!

Too bad I’m only close with my mother’s side, not my father’s side. Mainly because I’m staying in Melaka, which is my mom’s hometown (our house is only 10 minutes drive from my grandma’s house).

Oh, I forgot to tell the funny part of this year’s raya. Well, our family has a tradition, every raya evening, kami akan buat kenduri, but families only. Since few years ago, the term family only restricted to my mother’s siblings and their children (like I said, there’s 35 of us cousins). As usual, two days before raya we’ll be weaving the ketupats, at least 300 pieces of ketupat cases (I’ve mastered the art for three years now, yeah!!) and one day before raya, the mothers will be busy preparing all the rendang (3 types: rendang ayam, rendang daging and rendang itik), sambal (two types: sambal udang and sambal sotong), kelapa goreng and boiling the ketupats.
And on the eve of raya, there’s the kenduri. Oklah, kenduri, we all ate together, and there’s a lot of dishes to be washed (argh!) and cleaning up were done.

Thank god for having a hired help, and a lot of cousins (unwilling laborers. Hahaha!). The next day, before going for raya prayer, my family (my mom, Asyraf, Amir and me, plus the ever sesat Ahmad) went to my grandma’s house for breakfast. Hah, I was shocked to see most of the lauks are gone! I mean, gone!!! The only thing left at that time were bits and pieces of rendang ayam. And a few ketupats. Others, others had gone into the massive stomachs of my cousins. There’s nothing left for the guests. Nothing what so ever. So my mom and her army of sisters cooked ayam masak lemak and pindang daging for lunch. She even made sambal udang for the remaining ketupats, but she hid it before any of us managed to find it (I’m the lucky one, I managed to grab 3 prawns before my mom hid it).

The chocolate cake my mom brought for raya to grandma’s house, was gone after 1 hour of breaking fast. That fast. Haihh… and people said I ate a lot. I had to! Influences from the family! XD

And I went to Singapore on the evening of first day raya with Pak Long and Mak Itam, to visit Mak Sal. Her husband had been in the hospital for 3 weeks plus and was released on the evening of second day raya. The Tan Tock Seng Hospital was super duper cool. I thought I was in some sort of hotel! And they even have two floors for John Hopkins! John Hopkins dudes!! We didn’t manage to catch ~~Fauzi~~ Fauzy since he was involved in National Service. We only managed to see Aainaa (whoa!), the aspiring actress Uteh and the gentleman ~~Hazmi~~ Hazmie (or, as Mak Itam calls him, Ami-go. Kes kes kes!). One day in Singapore definitely not enough! I want more!!! Next time next time…. XD

(no pic. aku malas upload pic. hahaha!)

Exam, Project and Raya

2008-09-26T19:08:00.002+07:00

We just finished block 13 exam yesterday. it was tiring. balik exam je rasa macam nak pengsan. but still, even tho i felt like fainting since 4pm, I'm still awake at 10pm. huahuahuahua!!

And our Peduli Ini Untuk Siapa project was, alhamdulillah, without much trouble. even tho we're really really late in preparing the food, the second half only finished packing after maghrib and we don't have enough for 60 people. Thanks a lot to all the members, and to those girls and guys who helped, and waited for so long, really, only Allah can repay for what you had done. Not forgetting to those who donated for this cause. May Allah bless you, and your families. Apa-apa pun, NDWA rocks!! XD

And raya, raya is only a few days away.... isk... Ramadhan is approaching it's end... T_T
Hopefully, whatever good things i did during Ramadhan, will be carried outside Ramadhan too.. Ameen.

anyways, Selamat Menyambut Aidil Fitri, Maaf Lahir dan Batin!!

ps: I'm going back home on the 28/9 for two weeks. YAY!!!

Peduli Ini Untuk Siapa

2008-09-24T20:07:00.003+07:00

NDWA will conduct a Ramadhan Project : Peduli ini Untuk Siapa on this Friday, 26/9/08

This is a non-profitable project, where we will give food for breaking fast to street kids around JaKal.

who's interested in joining in, can contact me (rean), nad, siti or faz.
any donations, be it money or energy, is greatly appreciated.

(only open to those staying in Jogjakarta)

Marilah tambahkan amal sebelum Ramadhan menghilang..

shopaholic/shoes addict

2008-09-21T10:57:00.003+07:00

I bought meself a new pair of shoes..... LAST NIGHT

Help!

can't stop thinking about this one....

notice how high it is... oh

I call this as my NANA-shoes...
lame, I know..

and these freaks cost me rp359 000....that's a whopping rm130.51!!!!

argh!!!

Love is Blind - Shiina Ringo

2008-09-18T22:52:00.008+07:00

Love is blind
Love is only sorrow
Love is no tomorrow
Since you went away
Love is blind
How well I remember
In the heat of summer
Pleasure, winter fades

How long will it take
Before I can't remember
Memories I should forget?
I've been burning
Since the day we met

Love is blind
Love is without a mercy
Love is now you've hurt me
Now you've gone away
Love is blind
Love is no horizon
And I'm slowly dying
Here in yesterday

In the morning waken
To the sound of weeping
Someone else should weep for me
Now it's over
Lover, let me be

Love is blind
Love is your caress
Love is tenderness
And momentary pain
Love is blind
How well I remember
In the heat of summer
Pleasure, winter fades

the video is actually for another song of hers, "Ringo no Uta". but anyways, enjoy the music and lyric of Love is Blind! XD

10 things i want to do before i die (or get married)

2008-09-18T22:52:00.004+07:00

here's the list of things that i hoped to do before i hit the end of the road.

sky diving - i have a bit of acrophobia, but i love the sensation of falling down. so i definitely want to try the ultimate form of fall...

perform on stage with a rock band. i want to be the wild singer - too much Nana and Shiina Ringo...

owning a firearms collection. i want a Smith& Wesson, M-16, AK-47, Uzi, flamethrower and rocket launcher.... HAHAHAHAHA!

build an empire of bookstore chains - yes, i'm a nerd, i know

have the whole collection of Vivienne Westwood items. ALL OF IT

go to L'Arc~en~Ciel, Shiina Ringo, and NIN concerts.

see all the wonders of the world, and ALL of Renaissance art collections.

publish at least a comic of my own.

ride a 300cc bike at 300km/h

be a vampire XD

Shopping!!

2008-09-13T20:17:00.009+07:00

i went shopping today, after weeks of not being able to hangout.
targeted items: a pair of sneakers ( converse or airwalk or emily the strange or vans), a pair of wedges/clogs (main point: can be worn with baju kurung and jeans), a clutch and a brooch.

what i managed to get were:

the clutch. cute isn't it?? i have been eyeing the shop for ages. and finally i bought one. this one costs me rp109 000, around rm40. i suspected it's sort of hand-made.

the brooch. a crown, yeah. my current favourite. this one had several brothers and sisters, in tricolor; black, silver and yellow. the black and silver ones are pretty cute, but somehow, i chose this one. there's one that's kinda similiar with Vivienne Westwood logo..wonder why i didn't buy that....oh, and this was the first item i bought after 2 hours in the mall. gah. price, rp45 ooo, around rm17.

next i bought a bracelet. yeah, it wasn't in the original want/need list, but what the heck. besides, i don't have blue bracelet. i need blue bracelet! and it's only rp23 000 (rm 8.50)!!

desperately need a new pair of sneakers. my mcky sneakers had already seen better days, and i absolutely hate my adidas tennis shoes. i got blisters while wearing it! WITH socks!!! argh!! too bad the smallest size for sneakers here is 38. and i'm a 36. geram! gigit karang!!

the last thing i bought today was a pair of white wedges. talking about shoes, i spent nearly one hour at the department store just to find a pair of shoes, but to no avail. argh. kesian mad ngan azree, in the end, they went ahead of me. hahaha! this baby is a marie claire, and priced only at rp179 000 (rm 66).

total expenditure today: rp 356 000/rm 131.45

pretty good bargain, eh?

p.s: crappy pictures due to my crappy photographing techniques. the lines were due to me dropping me phone too many times...

out of the blue

2008-09-10T22:24:00.000+07:00

i like sexy men.

just feel like saying it out loud.

Thank You

2008-09-09T18:40:00.003+07:00

Thank you for being there for me.
Thank you for putting up with my selfish behaviors.
Thank you for giving me a peace of mind.
Thank you for comforting me.
Thank you for understanding.
Thank you for not pushing me around.
Thank you.

even if I write a thousand thank yous, it wouldn't be enough to convey my feelings.

once again.
thank you.

Book Review: Not Without My Sister

2008-09-04T15:24:00.003+07:00

this book i read during lectures.
that's how boring block 13 lectures are, with all those statiscal words like internal validity, confounding validity, sample size, etc.

on to the book!

author: Celeste Jones, Kristina Jones, Juliana Buhring
Publisher: HarperCollins Entertainment (2 Jul 2007)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 0007248067
ISBN-13: 978-0007248063
when i saw Erica reading this book, i know i must try it. mainly because it got lovely cover (yeps, i'm a sucker for pretty book cover). the blurb doesn't tell much, but it summarize the whole story beautifully.

This tell the true stories of three sisters, on how they survived and freed themselves from a cult (Children of God, later known as Family of Love, and now the Family International). They were physically and sexually abused, with no one to help, and no way to run from it.

The key character of the story was their father, Christopher Jones aka Simon Peter, whom all the sisters yearned affection for. his reckless behaviour of leaving his children on the hands of the Family members resulted in various sexual encounters for the sisters as early as the age 6 years old. One of their blood-sibling (the Family considered all members as brothers and sisters) died after long years of drug addiction due to dismissal from him (he said that he had a new family and would not care for her since she's in the "System").

The Family lived on the whim of a narcisstic leader, David Berg, also known as Moses David or Mo for short. his words are the rules they lived by, and they memorized every single words that came out of his mouth. he communicated with his followers through series of letters known as Mo's Letters, which will set up new rules, or new whatever. he was the one who said that sharing is loving, and by loving, he allowed the Family to have sex with anyone and everyone as sex is the ultimate form of love.

Later as Mo died, his "wife", Karen Zerby risen up, and appointed herself as the Queen Maria. she too, continued his legacy of free sex, though not as free as during Mo era. during Maria's time, the Family started facing bad press due to confessions and reports from the second generation of the Family, who ran away and quit the cult. many of the second generation have mental problem and one of the Royal Family members , the prince, Davidito, committed murder-suicide, which shaken the Family system.

that's roughly what happened in the Family from the three sisters views. the Family ways were told mostly from Celeste and Juliana's side, since they were in the cult until their 20s while the System side was told by Kristina, since her mother quitted the cult and brought her along when she was 12.

Celeste and Juliana didn't have much life in the Family. they were treated like goods, and when there's trouble, they'll be shipped to another Family base around the world (eg, Japan, Uganda, etc). they never knew the address of the house they were staying, never had an identity of their own. names could be change in an instant, it had no meaning, no significant what so ever. after encountering major events in their life, they decided they had enough and wanting to leave the Family.

orange kite says: scary!!! all those child abuse stories... it makes me feel really grateful of my life. lost childhood was something that cannot be found again. i rarely read these kind of books because, well too depressing to begin with, and i am depressive enough for myself. but for the nice story and not making me feel stupid, i give this one a 9/10.

For Something Less Dark

2008-09-03T07:13:00.003+07:00

Okay N.K, this is my less dark entry of the day.. XD

Rules :
1. Each player of this game starts off with 15 weird things/habits/little known facts about yourself.
2. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 15 weird things/habits/little known facts as well as state this rule clearly.
3. At the end, you need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names.
4. No tags back!!

all my stuffs are males. eg: takuro the guitar (named after Takuro the guitarist of Glay), kentarou (or ken-chan for short) the blue scooter, ritsu the beloved laptop (named after a really cool guy in a manga), kouji the dead fish (isk...), Les Miserable Marius the golden bear (named after Marius of Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles, and because i was miserable when i bought him).....

i always think i was born 10 years too late. sometimes 40 years too late. i so wanna experience the music scene during the 70's till late 90's. they got rockin' rock artists back then. oh, terase sangat orang tuanya saya!

i was a notorious flirt back in intec. i don't think i flirt that much now. hahahahaha!!!

i wanted to pierce my tounge badly. the only thing prevented me from doing so is the thought of my mom yelling at me. haihhh..

donald strongly influenced my music preferences. before knowing him, i'm more into lighthearted pop songs even tho i dabbled a bit in the rock music scene ( mainly for L'Arc~en~Ciel). he's the one responsible for the Nine Inch Nails, dark lyrics, and experimental sounds.(and the dark brooding thoughts)

i hate heat with a vengeance and i can't stand cold weather. so where should i live?

all of my favourite colors have a significant. be it ridiculous or not, but each means something to me. so when you see me in purple, appreciate the punk rocker wannabe in me. if it's white, well, i just perasan i'm being sweet. wahahahahhahaha!!

i have this weakness for cute things. i really like cute things. tho not much available in my room, due to my inability to keep my own room neat. too much cute things = too much dust collected. so i just gave up before even thinking of buying. hahahaha!

my extended family from my mom's side called me Sayang when i was still a kid. even now, my closest cousins still call me Sayang. and i still introduced myself as Sayang to them. urgh.

the name rean was given by my friend on a whim. i went by the name rai back then, but this girl told me that rai wasn't glamourous enough, and raihana was just a mouthful. hence the name rean. there were several versions of spelling (eg, ray-ann) before i decided on the simpler version of r.e.a.n.

i'm still on the prowl for great rockers. until now, my great rockers are L'Arc~en~Ciel, Onmyouza, Shiina Ringo, Buck-Tick, The Pillows, Rancid, Stone Temple Pilots, Nine Inch Nails etc

my greatest and biggest dream is to travel the world. alone.

i (not so) secretly hoped to be the greatest rock star on earth. oh yeah!

sometimes i feels like i could just leave everything and disappear. hopefully i will not be that selfish.

my earphones are usually in full blast. but i hate speakers.

bloggers to tag:

aisyah-because i know you'll have a lot to write, and a lot to tag. XD
raje-revenge of the sperm. hahahaha!!
atai-just to give you something else to do
solehah-if you're still blogging
intan-dude!!update more! don't be lazy!

long winding journey

2008-09-03T04:32:00.002+07:00

i was checking out my old blogposts. has it been three years since i started blogging??

wow.
and my writings had only mature a teeny bit.

i filled my earlier posts with anime, lyrics and of course my daily life. (that was in friendster)
and after a while, i wrote about my j-rock journey (it didn't last long, since not long after i started, i had one year of no internet, and that was in xanga)
and i still writing about my life currently, tho it's not as childish as it used to be. haha! (or is it?)

ah..but life is all about adventures and growing up...

and i can't wait for a new adventure tho i'm dreading the growing up part...

deciding between the two

2008-09-02T20:32:00.003+07:00

i am allowed to have crushes on two guys, am i??

it's not like i'm cheating or anything, since its just a crush..

aaaaaaaaa..

do make up your mind, girl!

Ramadhan and MSK

2008-09-01T04:47:00.003+07:00

Yeahh!!
Ramadhan is finally here!
wohooo!!!

and MSK, is finally over.

despite everything...i had fun!!!
too bad it ended too soon...

GOOD JOB TO ALL MSK COMMITTEE MEMBERS!!!

anddd... don't forget to read Raje's Jogja trip update...finally!!!

A-Lone-Ly Existence

2008-08-28T09:01:00.003+07:00

I love my busy days.
even tho i complain about them too much.
it's when i'm busy i don't have time to think.
and like i said before, thinking hurts me.

anyways.
i just like being busy. being physically active, going out, thinking about what to do, what to write, whom to meet, really gets me going.
as long as i'm not cooped in my room alone for too long. or being alone for too long.
in the past week, there's rarely a day when i'm alone. there's always someone with me.
either nad, or syazwan, or yan, or anyone.

i really miss school days when i'm never alone.
it's either with aisyah, or mimi, or the basketball geeks.
or with rezuan, or with wan ali.
or just laughing out loud with anet, lie and syeila.
never alone.

or should i say, i never felt lonely back then?

losing somebody

2008-08-26T00:22:00.002+07:00

my friend's only grandmother passed away yesterday morning.
i'm not particularly close to that guy, but i befriended his gang.
he sat behind me during lectures.
we don't really talk to each other, because it seems awkward. i never knew what to say to him.
and we just don't clicked.
he's a bit kerek and all, but he's truly a nice guy.
and he loved his grandmother very much.
at least i knew that much because i caught him talking about his grandma now and then.
and the way he talked about her, well it's just filled with love.

losing somebody is hard. it will never be easy. but after you've done crying, you just have to brace yourself up and pick up the pieces. And move on.

maybe the hardest thing to do is moving on, but, we will try our best, won't we, dude?

anyways, it's not my place to write about it here. i'm sorry.

my ass hurts

2008-08-23T19:35:00.003+07:00

wah.
hari yang super penat.
pergi, balik dan pergi lagi.
sampai 3 kali. mengagumi jugakla ketahanan diri hari ni.
hopefully i'll sleep soundly tonight.

oh MSK, cepatla selesai.
dah tak larat nak pegi bantul lagi.
isk.
sakit bontot tau naik motor 30 minit!

----------------
Now playing: Stone Temple Pilots - Interstate Love Song
via FoxyTunes

forgetting

2008-08-21T23:31:00.003+07:00

haihh..
pesal la bila aku dah nak lupakan orang, orang tu jugak yg akan igtkan aku kepada dia?

i'm sick of living in uncertainty, hoping for something that could never be.
when i finally decided to let go, he came back and haunts me.

shitty isn't it?

after ignoring me for nearly 2 years.

aihh..
i don't give a damn anymore.

The Great Love Story: Part 2

2008-08-15T01:11:00.001+07:00

Slamming her room door shut, Mitch threw herself on her bed, and anxiously opened the letter that simply addressed, To Mitch. Written on an A4 foolscap paper, there’s nothing special about the letter, except the content of it. Holding the dear handwritten letter close to her heart, she wiped the tears that had fallen down and started to read it.

Dear Mitch,

Are you shocked seeing Abel? He looks exactly like me didn’t he? Did you called out my name when you saw him? I think I can imagine seeing your stunned face when he responded. You thought I had risen from the grave, didn’t you? Ha-ha! You still as silly as you were back then, aren’t you? I’m not Lestat you know, even though I tried hard to convince you that I’m a vampire. You don’t really believe that, right? You’re not that stupid, or do you?

Stupid Cain. Dead and still joking. And he knew exactly how I reacted. How I wish to kick his sorry ass, or even stomped on his grave. Grumbling, Mitch continued reading the letter.

It’s been four years since my death. I’m sure what was left of my body at this time are just my bones and teeth. Other parts had gone back to earth, as a part of the big life cycle. My deeds are being judged I’m sure, though I’m not sure how I fared in that part. A lot had happened to me in four years, I think. What about you?

Let me guess. During the first year, you were drowning in depression. You refused to eat, or leave your room. You sealed off all the windows, and painted your room black. You cried until there’s no more tears left of you. Thousands of “things” were written for me, expressing how much you missed me. You tried to kill yourself, but you don’t have the heart to let your family cleaned up the mess.

Or not.

What happened actually was the exact opposite. Instead of being depressed, Mitch pushed herself harder. She smiled more, and lived a “normal” life. Extra lessons were taken; she busied herself with clubs and student body. Projects were done; it was the most productive year of her life. Only one poem was written of Cain. She spoke of him as if he’s still alive. Tears rarely fell, and to her friends, she looked like she’s moving on with her life.

I was kidding about the first year part. I know you are stronger than that. That’s what I respect about you. You can take a beating and get the best out of it. Optimistic is a good thing, you know. Though it doesn’t suit your gloom, doom image. Not that it matters to you anyway, right?

Anyways, it pains me to write this letter to you. Because this shows I know I’m about to die, and that I had lied to you. I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t mean to. I just don’t want to see the pained look in your eyes and the tell-tale puffiness of you’ve been crying. Maybe I’m just being a coward, but I hope that you will forgive me. I only love you too much.

Mitch,

There’s never been a day I did not thank God for letting us meet. You were my savior from day one, despite all those things I’ve done to you. Without you I think I would be in really deep shit. Or died too early. You made me picked up the pieces of my life and built a better one. Helping me be a better person without you even knowing it. Not being judgmental. With you, instead of feeling like my whole life was a huge mistake, it had become one interesting adventures with memorable ups and downs. Heck, you even make my junkie days looked fun! I think you’re the only one that can make grey looks beautiful. By the way, I still hate the color yellow, and that bright yellow shirt you bought me? Well, you’re having it dude, it’s that purple torn-out shirt with yellow underlying. What was left of it was too tattered to wear so I hid it at the back of my closet.

Furious, she took off her shirt and checked the yellow fabrics. True to his words, Cain did use the yellow shirt she gave him on his birthday to make that particular outfit of hers. She didn’t know whether to yell at him or to cry, yelling for mutilating the shirt she had given, crying because she never knew he made this t-shirt himself.

And before you started to get teary-eyes, no, I didn’t make the shirt. I designed it but, Kirk was the one making it. It was his idea to put yellow fabric underlying. So kill him, since it’s not my fault.

Now she did let out a frustrated scream.

The letter was all too similar of her relationship with Cain.